::The screen is black until suddenly a heart beat is heard and you see
Hostile Takeover Logo. The heart beat hits again and you once again
Hostile Takeover logo flash on the screen. Suddenly "5 Minutes Alone"
Pantera begins to play. Clips of past shows begin to play. Suddenly
works shoot up and the camera pans the crowd. You see signs like "I
Tony Davis's nads", "Phelen Kell is the REAL champ", "Dane Wilt is
can tell", and "Titan is a flamer". The scene cuts down to the
positions and you see Greg Parker, JT, and Stinky B. Wizzelcheeks
the annnounce position.::
Greg Parker (GP):Welcome everyone to Hostile Takeover! We have a great
for ya tonight! We have 6 count em' 6 title matches tonight!
mainevent for the World Championship Dane Wilt vs. Tony Davis.
JT:Well Greg I for one have no dobut that Dane Wilt will walk out of
tonight still IWO World Champion. Tony Davis is nothing more then a
wrestler...Dane's gonna take him out...and take him out here tonight!
Stinky B. Wizzelcheeks (SBW):I for one must disagree. I feel Tony
recently been held back by backstage politics...I think he is perhaps
most under rated superstar in the IWO today. I smell a new World
JT:WHAT!?! TONY DAVIS IS A J-O-B-B-E-R! HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS!
SBW:I feel you are being...
JT:SUCK MY FAT NUTS!
::Suddenly Chairman Dane appears behind JT.::
C.Dane:Excuse me JT...
JT:YES WHAT THE FUC...oh...yes sir?
C.Dane:I have been talking to President Jamie and he has told me that
show is a family show...theirfore I must ask you from useing such
language....it just simply isn't prudent.
JT:Yes sir...of course sir....it was all Stinky anyways sir...
SBW:Mr. Chairman sir I would never do such a thing to offend a man of
C.Dane:Yes I know that..I was the one that highered you remember...keep
the good work Stinky. Hey GP...keep JT in line...I want this show to
something the whole family can enjoy....something nice and wholesome
C.Dane:Well gentlemen good luck with the show...I am going to retire to
back and watch the rest of this fine wrestling card...enjoy gentlemen.
::Chairman Dane leaves the announce position.::
GP:Well it appears that Chairman Dane is makeing some kind of campaign
to...clean up your language JT?
JT:Yeah whitch is total bull shi...poop.
SBW:I think this is indeed a lovely idea...
SBW:Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....your gonna get in trouble....
JT:Atleast my first name isn't Stinky...
SBW:HEY! That wasn't very nice!
GP:ANYWAYS! We also have the Extreme Title on the line as Al Coholic
Mad Max as he makes his return to the IWO. Who do you guys pick?
JT:Both these guys are total goof balls I wouldn't pick a winner if my
depened on it.
SBW:I feel the same....both men are rather tough and it should be a
GP:And we also have a Hardcore Rumble that will give the winner a
become the US champ. Who do you guys see winning the rumble?
SBW:I am thinking Dan Hopkins would be the best canidate because...
JT:Who gives a shit....whoops...ah fuck it...oh well what I was trying
nicely was Dan Hopkins doesn't matter...I'm seeing someone takeing this
that no one would see coming...I think it'll be all CyberCyclone...he's
over due for a win anyways.
GP:Well all I can say is that I think this card is gonna be...simply
awesome...I understand now that Evan Levine has something to say...
["Born a Broken Man" by Rage hits over the building and the fans give a
heated welcome to Evan Levine!]
Announcer: Ladies and Gentalmen comeing to the ring at this time with
[Evan walks out to from the back with a Billion Dollar Promotion
and a mic in hand. Evan then gets in the ring with Tara right behind
they both walk to the middle of the ring were Evan begins to talk.]
Evan: Its bin One week since the other members of the Billion Dollar
Promotion was out here in this very ring and left my friend Chrom
a pack of freeks! No matter who you are what you have done no one
treated like that. I know for a fact that Thunder is not in the best of
and would love nothing then to take out each and every member of the
Dollar Promotion. But now this leaves me in a bad place. When I was out
kicking Jax Stone a new asshole Dane and the Dudleys said I have to
between Thunder and them. Now they said there will not be anything held
agenst me if I bow out and join Thunder. Well Like I said I hade a week
think about this. I even went to my wife to be Tara. And I came to my
I am sorry guys but I can't stand here and watch you beat the hell out
fellow Stable member. Its not right and I wont stand for it. And if you
asking me to pick between friendship and Mony I pick friendship because
stables and mony comes and goes but friends are what stay and thats all
have to say about that. Consider this my Dear John letter Billion
[Evan drops the mic and rips off his Billion Dollar Promotion T-shirt.
then drops it on the mat and spits on it! He turns to Tara and they
"Born a Broken Man" plays over the load speekers and the fans give Evan
great ovation! As they make there way to the back Thunder walks out
behind and hugs Evan! They then turn and all three of them go back to
GP:Well it looks like the Billion Dollar Promotion is gonna be down one
JT:WHAT! IS EVAN LEVINE THAT DUMB!?! LEAVEING THE MEGA-POWER OF THE IWO
TO....TO...TEAM WITH CHROME THUNDER?!? WHAT A MORON!!!!
SBW:I respect that man...
JT:SHUTUP! GOD I HATE YOU!
GP:And with that pleasent note we'll be back in a second!
Extra Assignment Match
Phelen Kell vs Mystery Man
GP: And we're gearing up for the opening bout here. We've been told
Chairman Dane has set a match up for the exchampion Phelen Kell to
Any guesses as to who it may be?
JT: I don't know....should I really care either?
SBW: Of course you should! Phelen is one of the top draws here in the
JT: Stumpy J. Fuzzytits you shut the hell up.
SBW: Hey man, my name is Stinky B. Wizzlecheeks.
JT: Yeah whatever Stumpy.
GP: Alright already you two. Christ JT it seems no matter who we have
you always get into a big fight with them.
JT: Hey Slumpy Q. Nerdly had it coming.
SBW: MY NAME IS STINKY B. WIZZLECHEEKS! ITS NOT THAT DAMN HARD TO
GP: Dumpy B. Ewok-nuts be quiet for a minute.
SBW: AAAAAAAAAH DAMN IT!
GP: Anyway ladies and gentlemen lets go on down to the ring now and get
our first match up of the evening. Phelen Kell to face a mystery
Down to the ring now to our ring announcer we like to call...guy with
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen...welcome...to IWO Hostile Takeover!
opening bout is an extra on the card....introducing first....former
time IWO World Heavyweight champion, former three time IWO tag team
and former Television champion...."The Legend" PHELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
::"Sober" by TOOL begins to play as "The Legend" Phelen Kells walks
the ring and steps through the ropes. He picks a microphone up and
Phelen: Alright. Chairman Dane you little kiss ass, you told me I was
to have a match tonight. But yet you don't announce it, and you don't
who its against. I wanna know what the hell is going on. So march your
scrawny little ass out here right now.
::"Whatever" by Godsmack begins to play as Chairman Dane walks out and
to the ring wearing a shirt that says "I <3 President Jamie" on it. He
big smile on his face.::
GP: What does that say on his shirt?
JT: HAHAHA! What a f*cking little kiss ass! It says "I love President
SBW: HAHA! Thats pathetic!
JT: Not as pathetic as your na-
SBW: DON'T EVEN!
::In the ring.::
Chairman Dane: Well first of all I'd like to say hello to our dear
Jamie Kosoy, the man whos made everyones dreams come true. We love ya
JT: ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!
Chairman Dane: And second...Phelen, please don't say that word anymore.
Phelen: W...what word?
Chairman Dane: Well...the A word.
::Phelen begins to laugh.::
Phelen: OH! You mean ass!
Chairman Dane: HEY! This is good wholesome television for the whole
just say butt or say A-Double crooked letter. We're good people here.
Phelen: Oh man your so full of sh*t!
Chairman Dane: HEY! Alright then, for being such a meanie head you butt
your gonna get the big surprise. Your gonna love this one. He is one of
most feared men in professional wrestling history. Known for his great
of the past ten years with such stars as Hulk Hogan and.......Hulk
is the one...the only....retired WWF superstar.....EARTHQUAKE!
GP: Oh my god!
JT: Why in the hell would anyone give half a damn about Earthquake? The
been demolished by Hulk Hogan for god sake!
SBW: I find him to be a superb athelete and one of the greats.
JT: Greats? Where the hell do you get off?
SBW: Hey...its none of your business where I get off.
JT: Hehe..you just admited on live TV you masterbate.
SBW: NO I DIDN'T!
JT: Oh yeah ya did brother.
SBW: SHUT UP!
GP: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! Alright ladies and gentlemen in the squared
at this time we have Earthquake with his manager Jimmy Hart. The two
running over a game plan.
Jimmy Hart: Alright now baby. Do you remember the game plan Jimmy told
Earthquake: Don't die.
Jimmy Hart: RIGHT BABY! Now you get out there and make dear old Jimmy
Jimmy Hart: What baby?
Earthquake: I poo'ed in my pants.
Jimmy Hart: Oh god. This is what I get for letting an overweight old
my First Family. Baby, your gonna have ta' wait til after the match for
to change your diaper.
Jimmy Hart: WHAT NOW BABY?
Earthquake: Are you mad at me cuz' I poo'ed
Jimmy Hart: Oh christ......no baby...Jimmy isn't mad at Earthquake.
Earthquake is Jimmys special little boy. Now you go out there and play
your new friend Phlem Killer.
Phelen: ITS PHELEN KELL!
Jimmy Hart: Whatever! Anyway....Earthquake baby....go out and
ya do that for Jimmy? If you do we'll stop for icecream on the way
you me and Typhoon.
Earthquake: What about Barry Horowitz?
Jimmy Hart: Yeah Barry can come along to.
Earthquake: Otay Jimmy! I gonna win!
Phelen: Oh man someone smells like sh*t!
Chairman Dane: HEY! Thats Poo! P-O-O. Not the S word!
GP: And the bell has rung ladies and gentlemen as Phelen Kell is about
destroy this overweight wrestler from the WWF of the late eighties
ninties by the name of Earthquake.
JT: I hate to say this but...hehe....Kell is gonna kill him. Poor fat
b@stard. Ya know last time I saw him he was wearing a goofey leather
holding a Cartman doll in the WWF.
SBW: He was Golga?
SBW: Thats just stupid!
GP: Shut up please.
JT: Sure thing cock.
GP: Thank you.
GP: And here we go folks, this one is heating up already as Phelen Kell
in with a kick to Earthquakes stomach.
JT: Oh man, did you see that jiggle?
GP: Kell now with a Stun Gun to the aging
great. And is immidiately picking him back up to his feet. It looks
Earthquake is talking to Kell.
Phelen: Its Phelen fatboy.
Earthquake: Yeah......Phlem....can we jus' be fwiends?
::From the outside of the ring.::
Jimmy Hart: BABY! DON'T MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE ENEMY!
Phelen: Earthquake you realize if you lose you don't get your full IWO
Earthquake: Vats otay. I'm a hip young star. Everybody wants va Quake!
Jimmy Hart: BABY THATS NOT TRUE! NOONE WANTS YOU! I HAD TO PAY JAMIE
LET YOU WRESTLE HERE!
Chairman Dane: Its Kosoy Hart! You be careful how you talk about my
Jimmy Hart: Oh shut up Dane!
GP: What in the hell is going on in there?
JT: They're just chatting! Kell is standing in the corner listening to
He looks slightly annoyed.
Earthquake: Jimmy I don' wanna fight Phlem. He's my fwiend.
Jimmy Hart: Baby....listen closely to Jimmy now......Phlem Killer
like you....he wants to kill you because your a fat old guy trying to
to a federation of real atheletes. He doesn't wanna be your friend. And
unless you win, Jimmy isn't gonna be able to pay for the Undertakers
that you sat on and crippled.
Earthquake: He doesn't like me?
Jimmy Hart: No baby.
Earthquake: Him no like me.
JT: EARTHQUAKE IS RUNNING AWAY FROM THE RING CRYING!
GP: What the hell did Hart say to him?
JT: I don't know. But it wasn't a very good pep talk.
Jimmy Hart: DAMN IT GET BACK HERE EARTHQUAKE!
::Both Jimmy Hart and Earthquake run into the back. Phelen looks down
Phelen: Thats what you got to fight me? A fourty year old man that acts
a toddler? Thats the match?
Chairman Dane: Hey man, give me a break. Hart said the shock therapy
Earthquake. Apparently it didn't.
GP: That was the most pointless thing I've ever seen.
JT: Loved every minute of it!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen...your winner...by countout...."The
GP: Kell is making his way into the back now. Poor guy, didn't even get
JT: Chairman Dane must feel like an ass.
::In the back, we see Phelen Kell walking calmly through to his
room. Ashton Cain walks out of a door into the hallway as Kell walks
Ashton: Wow, looks like ya got off easy tonight huh man?
Phelen: Shut up.
Phelen: Just shut up. Don't f*ck with me. I'm not an idiot.
Phelen: F*ck you.
::Kell walks off as Harlequin appears.::
Ashton: Whats up his ass?
Harlequin: Hell if I know. Maybe its that time of the month.
::The two walk off.::
::The scene cuts to the back and you see Earthquake and Jimmy Hart
down the hall. Earthquake is covered in sweat and is breathing
heavey. Jimmy Hart still has his air brushed jacket on and is carrying
megaphone. Chairman Dane walks up to them and begins to talk.::
C.Dane:Excuse me Mr. Hart...
C.Dane:I have an offer to you and your ummm Quake...
Jimmy:Well go ahead and tell us..but we were just on our way to the
Wrestling...we figured they might let us in...
C.Dane:Well Jimmy...recently the IWO has been going nuts...everyone
need to use bad language, make perverted statments, and even some guys
of have done worse. Now I need to get some help so that the executive
can rid the IWO of all of these problems...I've made offers to a few
champions but in the end they always back out...
Jimmy:Okay baby get to the point...Jimmy doesn't have all day...
C.Dane:Well I would like to give you both an IWO contract as my team to
the IWO back in order....and I would like to offer you one hundred...
Earthquake:A HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! WE ACEPT! JIMMY! I HAVEN'T GOT THAT
MONEY SINCE CHRISTMAS FROM MY GRANDPARENTS!
Jimmy:Baby I think he was gonna offer us one hundred thousand....AND
TO GO AND BLOW IT!
::Earthquake signs a contract in crayon that Dane hands to him. He
his name Urft Qwake.::
Jimmy:DAMN IT BABY!
Earthquake:It was a pleasure doing buisness with you DANEY! Now we
ice cream and clean up my poo!
C.Dane:Well clean up your "poo" but then come to my office I have some
buisness I need you to take care of tonight...and Mr. Hart watch your
Jimmy:Baby don't call Jimmy stupid!
Earthquake:Come on Jimmy clean up my poo!
Jimmy:Oh god DAAAAA....I mean dang it baby!
::Jimmy Hart and Earthquake walk off.::
C.Dane:Dane you sly dog you've done it again. Jamie is gonna love the
I'm bringing in!
Rodney Phoenix vs. Virtual Violater
SBW:I gotta go to the back....I need to take my inhaler....
::Angel pops up.::
GP: Welcome back to Hostile Takeover!
JT: Yadda, yadda, yadda! Same old, same old.
Angel: We now have Rodney Phenoix vs Virtual Violater!
GP: So let's get this match right down on the road!
("Unforgiven" by Creed starts to play as Rodney Phenoix starts to walk
to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a
twenty minute time limit! First coming down to the ring, weighing 255
pounds, Rodney Phenoix!
("What's My Age Again?" by Blink 182 starts to play as Virtual Violator
out to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: His opponent, weighing in at 200 pounds, Virtual
*Ding Ding Ding*
GP: And this match is under way! Rodney Phenoix starts off fast with
clothesline. Violator quickly gets up, Phenoix charges Violator again,
Violator ducks the clothesline! Violator with a kick to the stomach of
Phenoix...snap suplex! Violator picks Pehnoix up. He sends him to the
ropes, drop kick sends Rodney Phenoix down!
JT: You know, I'd like to get down on a bed with Angel. Only because
GP: Phenoix has gotten back up, Violator with a kick, caught by
Enziquri ducked by Phenoix! Phenoix with a kick to Violator, DDT!
JT: High impact there.
JT: OW! Now, I didn't do anything there.
Angel: I know, I just felt like it.
GP: Phenoix has gone to the top rope. Violator gets up, flying
from the top rope! Phenoix with the cover, one... two... kickout by
Angel: Phenoix sends Violator to the ropes, back body drop over the
rope! This is where things can get dangerous. Rodney follows Violator
the outside, fighting right in front of us. Phenoix takes Violator's
and smashes it on our announcing booth. Phenoix throws Violator back
the ring and grabs a chair!
JT: This are going to get ugly! MAYBE WE'LL SEE BLOOD!!!!
GP: Whatever, Violator slowly gets to his feet, and Phenoix smashes
Violator's head in with that steel chair! That just couldn't be a
expirenence. Phenoix picks Violator up, Samoan drop! Violator is
destoryed here tonight!
JT: Phenoix goes for the cover, one... two... th, kick-out! After all
Violator still has some fight in him! Phenoix picks Violator up,
Suplex, countered into a Vioator snap suplex!
Angel: Violator is trying to stage a comeback. He starts stomping
the downed Phenoix. He picks Phenoix up, Firemans carry! And now he
on a headlock! But Phenoix counters to a belly to back suplex!
JT: Phenoix with a cover, one... two... kickout!
GP: Phenoix picks Virtual Violator up, kick, BRING THE WORLD DOWN!
ONE... TWO... THREE!!!
Angel: Rodney Phenoix wins ins a very quick match.!
::"Take The Power Back" By Rage Against the Machine begins to play.
stand up awaiting the arrival of the ?¿? but instead they get
Birdman 0¿0 and Floopy the Mysterious Bird. They enter the ring to the
of the crowd.::
Mysteryious Birdman 0¿0 - Hey Tony Davis.. How you gettin' a title
called yo ass out last week and you never said a damn word to me... Yo
is going to the birds...
::"Take The Power Back" by Rage Against the Machine plays again and
leave the ring.::
JT-This card is so f**king awesome! But who is this guy next to me?
Gp-You mean Bob?
Bob(?)-My name isn't bob.
Jt-At least he is better then that bitch. How ya doing bob?
Bob(?)-My name isn't Bob.
Gp-Yeah yeah whatever...Bob get ready because it looks our next match
about to begin. And we have a lovely guess ring announcer today. Hey
check her out!
Bob(?)-MY NAME is not Bob.
::"Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred plays and Flame walks out from the
is dressed skimpier then ever coming to the ring an opaque white thong
bikini. Every guy in the crowd is one his feet cheering, cat calling,
some the sicker ones are masturbating::
Jt-Oh my god I can those big mounds and nipples as clear as day! I'm
Gp-I have to say I'm...at a loss for words to say the least.
Bob(?)-Got damn! I need to come here more often!
Jt-Is that a thong? Is that a thong?
::Flame climbs into the ring and does a slow turn so everyone can get a
look at her.::
Jt-IT IS A THONG! OH BABY COME TO DADDY! FLAME I LOVE YOU!
Gp-This is the greatest moment of my life!
Bob(?)-I think I just cummed my pants.
Jt-Bob I'm about to join you.
Bob(?)-God you people are idiots.
Flame-Okay now boys heel. This is a Last Man Standing Match with No
limit. The rules? There are no rules! Anything goes the first man who
get up after a ten count will be the loser. First I will introduce the
surprise guest referee...ME!
::cheers go up from the crowd::
Flame-Okay now calm down everybody. The first man coming to the ring is
of the most twisted and disgusting man in the IWO. He is crazy then
the IWO besides maybe Mad Max. He hails from parts unknown he is a
among legends..KING STING AND FUSION!!
::"Paint it Black" by the Rolling Stones plays and King Sting walks
GP-WHAT THE HELL!! Capital Punishment has just darted from the back he
gun. King Sting doesn't seem him coming...Capital Punishment just fired
shots King Sting falls to the ground rolling down the ramp way. Capital
Punishment is ramming the but of the gun into King Stings head. A gash
already opened up on King Sting's face and a river flows down his face.
Capital Punishment kicks King Sting down the ramp and rolls him into
Jt-Even he is checking out Flame and that tight body. God I'm so horny
now is that right Phil.
Jt-You know that guy::points at Bob(?)::
Gp-Why did you say your name was Bob... Phil?
Phil(?)-I never said my name was anything. If you must know my name
Jt-WHAT A REVERSAL!
Gp-King Sting just reversed Caps suplex into a reverse suplex on the
his gun. My that has to be very painful. King Sting is on the attack
whips Cap into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with knee to
King Sting climbs the top rope and flies with a stunning elbow drop.
Sting picks up Cap and delivers a brainbuster DDT that shakes the ring.
Sting hurls cap to the outside of the ring and picks up the BB gun. He
the trigger repeatedly ten...fifteen...twenty! TWENTY TIMES CAP HAS
SHOT! I DON'T CARE HOW LITTLE THEY ARE BUT THAT HAS GOT TO HURT! Flame
begun the ten count for Cap....
Jt-You see how they jiggle when she counts?
Gp-Yes that is very nice...oh my god!
Gp-You can see her...her....you know and its smooth as a babies behind.
JT-Hey she stopped counting!
Gp-Cap has risen to his feet and is taunting KS from outside the ropes.
Sting flies out the ropes and misses with a diving plancha?
Jt-Did you just make that move up?
Jt-Yeah you probably did.
Gp-No I didn't...SHUT UP! Anyway Cap is running King Stings head across
guard rail. No, He picks him up and delivers a tombstone pile driver.
climbs under the ring and comes back out with long metal pipe. He sets
pipe on the ring and guard rail.
Jt-He's doing limbo!
Gp-No he isn't! He has just delivered a gut buster across the pole! OH
GOD!!! The pole has bent it self to a "V" from the force. King Stings
must be broken he could have a punctured lung.
Jt-That means MORE BLOOD!
Gp-Cap picks up half of the metal pipe and is slamming it over and over
across the small of King Sting's back. Cap picks up King Sting and
bombs him onto the concrete. Cap singles for flame to start counting.
before she can to the count of one King Sting has risen to his feet.
a look of disbelief on his face and King Sting takes advantage with
gut and a gargoyle suplex to the concrete. King Sting picks up Cap and
him onto the concrete. Caps head has been busted open and blood is
out. Flame is on the outside of the ring and once again King Sting is
at her breasts.
Jt-He's smiling. It looks like he is up to something.
Gp-HE DID! HE PULLED OFF FLAME'S TOP! OH MY GOD LOOK AT THEM!
Jt-I have seen the promised land and it is good. I'm not worthy...
:;The crowd is roaring with cheers::
Gp-None of us are... Flame is cursing off King Sting and not even
cover herself up. King Sting is just sitting their smiling at her. But
smile just faded because Flame planted he foot deep into his crotch.
slowly rising and looks around confused. He sees Flame topless and
Jt-He gets to see them up close. Some guys get all the luck.
Gp-Cap finally draws his gaze from those great mounds and grabs a
King Sting's hair. King Sting struggles as he is being dragged up the
And there goes a handful of King Sting's hair. Cap and King Sting
blows as they slowly make their way up the ramp away. Cap knees King
below the belt and follows up with a swinging neck breaker. Cap picks
King Sting and throws him to the top of the ramp way. He lands with a
thud. Cap picks up King Sting and throws him off the top of the ramp
way to the concrete below!
Jt-NOW THAT IS EXTREME!
Gp-Flame has begun the ten count....personally I would say this one is
Jt-Her breast are still exposed of this great.
Gp- I feel sorry for all the people in TV land.
Jt-This match is over.
Gp-That's it Flame has called for the bell and Cap is the winner. Cap
staring at her exposed breasts and doesn't seem to notice that he has
Gp-Well Cap has one another had fought match.
::The scene cuts to the back at the Executive office. You see
Jamie sitting at a desk and Chairman Dane runs in very excited.::
C.Dane:SIR! SIR! SIR!
Jamie:Errrr...what now Dane?
C.Dane:I highered some new talent to help us enforce the laws and
of the IWO!
Jamie:Great who'd you get?
C.Dane:Well let's just say I went out and got myself a fine young peice
talent! Now guys who want to break the laws won't stand a chance
Jamie:Great Dane...have him take care of Dane Wilt during tonights
C.Dane:You sure you want Davis to be World champ...he's not all that
better then Dane.
Jamie:Yeah but Davis understands how to pronounce my last name...Dane
can't seem to for whatever reason.
C.Dane:Yes sir I'll take care of it tonight...
Hardcore Battle Royal #1 Contender US title match
Elimination Style Anything and everything goes
Ropes are replaced with Barbed Wire falls count anywhere
Rob Kestler vs. Jake Mansfield vs. Jacob Gryn vs. G-Dogg vs. John Wade
Crucifix vs. CyberCyclone vs. Crazy Cannuck vs. Dan Hopkins vs. Ruff
vs. TRO vs. Dark Insanity vs. Chrome Thunder
GP:Well this one should certainly be a good one.
JT:AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! This one's gonna be great!
GP:Let's here some picks?
JT:Shitty Wizzelass's mom has a good chance at achiveing victory.
GP:Settle down guys...seriously who do you think is gonna win this one?
JT:Okay seriously....it will be Shitty Wizzelass's mom...she's a big
SBW:SHUTUP I LOVE MY MOM! SHE'S A TRUE DUTCH WOMAN! THOSE ARE THE ONLY
WOMEN YA KNOW!
JT:SHE'S A WHORE!
GP:Guys guys serious who do you like?
JT:Seriously...either TRO...or Shitty's mom.
SBW:GOD I HATE YOU! ERRRR! But, I pick Rob Kestler...he is the future
JT:The Usual Suspects have nothing on the Billion Dollar Promotion! I
GP:I like Chrome Thunder's chances he's broke away from BDP and now
gonna be on fire. I think he's gonna be a dominateing force in the IWO
::"Whatever" by Godsmack plays. Chairman Dane comes out and enters the
He is accompanied to the ring by Earthquake and Jimmy Hart.::
C.Dane:Ladies and gentlemen I decided for this match I will be your
guest ring announcer. So to save time I will just say all of the guys
and as I say them would they please walk out....Rob Kestler.....Jake
Ryda....TRO....Dark Insanity....and Chrome Thunder.
::All of those men walk out in order.::
C.Dane:Alright after the first 5 get eliminated we will have a 10
intermission. Good luck to all....GO!
GP:Well we got Ruff Ryda going after Dark Insanity....Chrome Thunder
Crazy Cannuck...TRO and Hopkins...Kestler on G-Dogg...and Mansfield and
double teaming on Wade.
JT:Ruff Ryda whips Insanity to the outside and their outside. Ryda has
steel stairs and is pounding him with them. Ryda drops the stairs and
him up...goes to whip him into the ring post...AHAHAHAHA! Reversal by
SBW:Chrome Thunder just forced Cannuck into the barbed wire ropes! The
scratches begin to appear on Cannucks back as he screams in pain.
continues on his rampage. He takes Crazy Cannuck by his face and grinds
against the barbed wire. Cannuck is a bloody mess.
JT: Rob Kestler has G-Dogg in the Tarantula on the barbed wire ropes!
ripping himself and G-Dogg to shreds! Both men are screaming in pain!
continues on though!
GP: This match is insane already ladies and gentlemen! We have now on
outside of the ring John Wade, is being destroyed by Jacob Gryn and
Mansfield. Mansfield has Wade up on his shoulders. Gryn is up on the
with...a wrench! He has a wrench in his hand! He runs off and slams the
wrench into Wades face!! He slammed him in the face! Wades head just
back! He looked like a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome!
JT: That was awesome! Amazing showing there! They're picking him back
again, what is this? They're putting him up on the apron. Mansfield has
into the ring now. Gryn stands Wade up, OH! A STUNNER ON THE BARBED
just wrenched his neck across the barbed wire! Wade is down and
SBW: We now have Chrome Thunder still working on Crazy
not fairing to well. Wait! No Cannuck with a low blow! Thunder is down!
Cannuck is up! He just ripped part of the barbed wire rope off! Whats
gonna do with it?
JT: On the other side of the ring right now we've got Cyber Cyclone
and.....and.....what the hell is he doing?
SBW: WOW! Its Robert Smith from The Cure!
SBW: What are you talking about? The Cure is awesome! Just like SKinney
Puppy, and Big Electric Cat, and Nosferatu and Alien Sex Fiend...and-
JT: Dude who the hell are you talking about?
SBW: What? You guys don't like Gothic music?
GP: Come on guys keep with the match.
JT: Oh blow it out your ass Parker.
SBW: Uh...well anyway...CyberCyclone is talking to Robert Smith from
CyberCyclone: So yeah....maybe I could guess star on your next album.
Robert Smith: Yeah, that sounds bloody marvelous old chap. We'll have
Referee: CYCLONE! GET BACK IN THE RING!
CyberCyclone: hey I'm workin here!
Referee: GET IN THE RING!
Referee: THEN YOUR OUTTA HERE!
Referee: YOU HEARD ME! GET LOST!
::Hops over fence and sits talking to Robert Smith.::
GP: That was pathetic.
JT: Yeah it was.
SBW: On the opposite side of the ring from Cyclone we have Jacob Gryn
Crucifix going at it! Both men have chairs in hand, both men are
both mens chairs are dented all to hell!
JT: AWESOME! Crucifix just wailed Gryn across the face with the chair
HAHA! Gryn is down now. Crucifix is pressing down on his chest with the
of the chair. Gryn is barely breathing! From behind now Gryns homie
with a super kick to the back of Crucifix's head! Crucifix falls to the
and Mansfield goes for a pin.
GP: NO! A kick out by Crucifix. Mansfield lifts him up into a Snap
onto the hard concrete floor. The air just blasted out of Crucifix
that one. Now Mansfield with yet another pin.
GP: Not even a two! Crucifix is showing some spirit here! Bless his
GP: What was that?
GP: Okay. Wait whats this? Mansfield has Crucifix up again! WHOA!
SBW: Mansfield just collapsed! His own partner nailed him from behind!
Gryn lifts Crucifix up into a Fishermans DDT on the cold stone floor!
over for him!
GP: Guys look at this! LOOK AT THIS! CRAZY CANNUCK HAS CRUCIFIED CHROME
THUNDER WITH RING POLES AND BARBED WIRE! OH MY GOD THIS IS WRONG! THIS
WRONG! THUNDER IS STRAPPED IN COVERED IN BLOOD! HE ISN'T MOVING!
parading around the ring. Wait!
JT: From behind! Its G-Dogg! He has a baseball bat with wooden spikes
ends! He aimes it at the back of Crazy Cannuck! Cannuck blocks it and
G-Dogg in the face! Dogg goes down! Cannuck with a pin!
GP: WAIT! Oh no! Chrome Thunder is falling on top of Cannuck still
to the poles by barbed wire! BAM! HE HIT! CANNUCK IS DOWN! G-DOGG IS
AND CHROME THUNDER IS CRUCIFIED!
SBW: Whats this? G-Dogg is starting to move around! He stands up now,
Cannuck up with him, and he is signalling for the Dogginator! He goes
But Cannuck grabs the leg and drops him flat on his face! He applies
form of an STF to G-Dogg and is wrenching that move to beat hell!
trying to get out! He can't do it! He's struggling! HE TAPPED OUT!
GP: Alright fans...heres a quick recap right now ofwhats going on...we
ChromeThunder Crucified in the middle of the ring unconcious...Jacob
Jake Mansfield are going at it on the outside. We're missing two ring
and one side of barbed wire. John Wade is unconcious on the outside and
Kestler appears to be fighting Dan Hopkins, and Dark Insanity and TRO
fighting somewhere in the audience!
JT:AHAHAHAHA! Look at Kestler! He just grabbed Hopkins and whipped him
the secuirty barrier. Kestler follows him and grabs a steel
JUST BROKE A CHAIR OVER HOPKIN'S HEAD! I NEVER EVER SAW THAT BEFORE! IT
LIKED SNAPPED OFF! AND HOPKINS IS NOW BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE.
SBW:Yes but look at Dark Insanity and TRO...the two are trading punches
the second floor. Dark Insanity whips TRO into a cement wall. Dark
goes for a splash but TRO smashes him into the wall. Now TRO is laying
on a table and is climbing up onto the second floor...and OH MY GOD! A
off the railing onto the table!
GP:Jacob Gryn and Jake Manfeild are going at it...tag team partners
trying to get ahold of the US title. It seems Jacob has the upper hand
now. He just executed a power bomb onto the mat hard. Jacob is now
over to the broken barbed wire and is wrapping it around his
is up top...goes for a punch on his partner but nobody home. Both are
Jacob swings with a wild punch and spins around...Jake lifts him up for
German suplex...Jacob lands on his feet...kicks Jake in the
stomach...DDT...Jake flips him over for the Northeren Light
Jacob swings out and nails Jake with a reverse ddt....the
SBW:Crazy Cannuck is now just beating on Chrome Thunder...who is all
up on the Crucifix right now.....He grabs a frying pan and just nailed
Thunder right between the eyes with it. Now backs up and nails him
elbow drop to the face. Thunder is hurting. Wait a sec...TRO is now
driveing down the aisle in a jeep?!? What in the world?
JT:AHAHAHAHA! TRO JUST HIT CRAZY CANNUCK WITH THE JEEP. AND HE HIT THE
CRUCIFIX AND KNOCKED THUNDER ONTOP OF HIM! THE COVER BY AN ALMOST DEAD
Dane:The wrestlers will now all be brought back to the ring by any
necissarry and given a 10 minute break.
GP: AND WE'RE BACK!
JT: We've got Dark Insanity working on Dan Hopkins in the corner with a
bat....he's driving that thing down into Hopkins neck! Hopkins may be
SBW: Yeah. I'm looking at Rob Krestler using that chair on John Wade.
SLAMS THAT COLD STEEL ACROSS WADE'S BACK!
JT: Yeah Kizzlecheeks. Krestler's been showing us some skills tonight.
SBW: IT'S WIZZLECHEEKS! THERE'S HONOR IN THAT NAME! THE WIZZLECHEEK
FAUGHT BRAVELY TO DEFEND THE FAMILY HONOR! SOME GAVE THEIR LIVES!
JT: Yeah. Sure. Whatever.....Bizzlecheeks.
GP: Hopkins has managed to get to his feet and he has the bat from Dark
Insanity now. HE SLAMS IT OVER INSANITY'S HEAD! INSANITY IS DOWN AND
FROM THE HEAD!
JT: HOPKINS COVERS!
SBW: DARK INSANITY IS GONE!
GP: Krestler continues his asualt on Wade.
JT: Clip to Kreastler's knee by Hopkins! Hopkins now has the chair and
going after Krestler. Interesting, because these two are going to be on
opposing teams at Conspiracy Theory.
GP: I guess that's why they are fighting each other. Ass.
SBW: Well, Wade is taking advantage of this and is resting in the
GP: OH! INTO FOR LONG! Ruff Ryda hits Wade with a big elbow in the
JT: Ruff Ryda grabs a stun gun. HE TAKES IT TO WADE!
GP: Wade is on the ground and shaking! Ruff Ryda for a cover!
1....2....TRO off the top rope!
SBW: TRO hits Ruff Ryda with a pool cue from the top rope! TRO covers
JT: RUFF RYDA IS GONE! TRO now grabs a chair and pulls out a lighter!
GP: HE LIGHTS THE CHAIR ON FIRE!
JT: TRO takes Wade to the top rope. TOP ROPE POWERBOMB ONTO THE FLAMING
CHAIR! THE CHAIR TOTALLY BROKE!
SBW: TRO covers Wade!
GP: TRO is now going after Jake Masfield with fist of fury.
SBW: Let's got to Dan Hopkins and Rob Krestler. Chrome Thunder is now
this fight, and he and Hopkins are double teaming Krestler. Thunder
Krestler up for a pile driver and Hopkins goes to the top.
GP: AND HOPKINS DRIVES KRESTLER DOWN!
JT: Hopkins' singling for the GOOD Ending. LOW BLOW BY THUNDER!
GP: THUNDER GRABS HOPKINS! GERMAN SUPLEX!
SBW: HOPKINS IS GONE!
JT: Mansfield is still out! Thunder covers!
GP: WE'RE DOWN TO THREE!
SBW: TRO, Krestler, and Thunder! THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD!
GP: TRO and Krestler look up and see Thunder is left. They look at each
JT: DOUBLE CLOSE LINE TO THUNDER!
GP: TRO pulls Thunder up. Krestler runs into the ropes. HEART ATTACK!
JT: TRO and Krestler both grab Thunder and set him up. DOUBLE
SBW: KRESTLER COVERS!
JT: TWO LEFT!
GP: TRO kicks Krestler in the ribs. AH! NAILS HIM WITH A CHAIR!
SBW: TRO opens the chair and stands Krestler up.
JT: TRO goes to the top!
SBW: END OF DAYS (Tornado DDT) ONTO THE CHAIR!
JT: TRO COVERS KRESTLER!
GP:TRO can't beleive it...he picks Kestler up and whips him into the
ropes...spinning heel kick by TRO. TRO picks him up and is going for a
slam....Kestler slides out and nails TRO with a face buster.
JT:Both men are getting back to their feet...both go off the
collide in mid-ring. Both men are down and out. They have both gone
for this match I dobut they will be getting up anytime soon.
::Dane grabs a mic.::
Dane:Alright let's just stop this match here and now. Both of you in
proved to be worthy United States contenders. Kestler...you have a
future...and I really see only good things coming your way. But, TRO
been here for a long time...you are one of those guys who has killed
for the IWO. TRO you will go on later tonight to take on Shack. Don't
Kestler...like I said you have probabley the brightest future I have
GP: What a match there. Hard to believe he actually pulled it off.
JT: I knew he'd win.
SBW: Bullsh*t you did.
JT: I did....trust me.
GP: Anyway the next match on the card tonight is bet-
::The lights go out.::
GP: What the hell? Ladies and gentlemen the lights have gone out.
JT: No duh f*ck face.
GP: Shut up.
::"Sober" by TOOL begins to play as the lights come on to a dim gray.
Kell walks onto the IWO rampway and looks around at the crowd. He makes
way into the ring.::
GP: Its "The Legend" himself, Phelen Kell! He has a microphone.
JT: Oh just what I wanted. To listen to his boring sh*t for another
ten minutes. Yipee.
GP: Hey, he's Phelen Kell, he's a serious guy. His thing isn't doing
shows and things like that, he says what he needs to say, and backs it
And thats whats earned him the IWO title on three occasions.
JT: Blah blah...whatever.
SBW: You just know he's right.
JT: Shut up.
Phelen: Alright...I'm out here to say a few things...about this months
per view known as Conspiracy Theory 2000. First of all...you all know
partners....we're one big unhappy disfunctional family I must say.
I have a few things to say to one Mr. Dane Wilt...and Dane...I know
listening in the back...so listen close. You and I may be partners at
coming pay per view....but that does not..and I repeat...DOES...NOT
mean...that I am done with you. Last pay per view..you screwed me out
title...a title that I earned through hard work...and dedication to the
sport...and took on my own terms. After all this hokey badokey sh*t is
and done, you and I will go another round you little son of a b*tch.
is far from over. You can bet your ass on that.
::Phelen walks across the ring.::
Phelen: I've....I've got something to say to our President....President
Kosoy...Jamie....I've been here for a while now...I am an IWO
loyalist....what did I ever do to you to deserve what I'm getting? You
putting Dane and I on the same team is wrong...why'd you do it man? For
ratings? Whatever it is...its cruel man...cruel...and then you add the
Mysterious One? I've got all the respect for the man in the world, but
I see about as much eye to eye as Mini-Me does with Shaquille O'neil.
Exx....come on! What do we know about him? He looks like a cave man in
paint, he wishes he was Scott Levy(aka Raven), and must have some kinda
Phelen Kell complex with the face paint thing...poor guy. Look he may
the North American title, but that doesn't make him good enough to be
team with enough world titles to fill a sixpack plus more. While on the
subject...Cain....my dear former partner Ashton Cain who...although has
back has once again destroyed my faith in him. Ashton....don't look for
me...don't talk to me....I'm done with you. You know why...I know
thats all that needs to be said.
::We see Ashton Cain in the back with Harlequin and a few other people.
Ashton: What? Whats his problem?
Harlequin: I don't know.
Ashton: Harlequin talk to him man.
Harlequin: I'll try.
::Phelen circles the ring again.::
Phelen: Anyway...I didn't come out here just to rant and complain...I'm
that way unless I have a reason. Which I already went through. So now
the important part of this interview...next week...on this program...I
calling out Dane Wilt. You heard me...Wilt...I'm not waiting anymore.
or no title. You and I need to finish this.
::"Alright Oh Yeah" by Local H begins to play as Dane Wilt, with his
around his waist walks out onto the ramp. He looks at Phelen.::
Dane: My, my an impatient little booger aren't we dear Phelen?
Phelen: Shut the hell up Dane. Listen now and listen good. Come next
Takeover you and I are going to go at it once more. You understand me?
Dane: Well....hmm I don't know Phelen. I might be able to pencil you in
buddy, don't count on it though. Sues comin' over to the Billion Dollar
Mansion to show me Mr. Beaver again...we'll have to wait and see.
Phelen You motherf*cker YOU ACCEPT THE MATCH NOW!
Dane: Geez, geez, fine....if thats what your little heart is set on,
just tell Sue she has to wait, and I'll emphatically kick your ass.
Phelen: Sounds perfect. Your mine come next Hostile Takeover!
Dane: Yeah and Victor Surprise was a tastey dish.
Phelen: THATS IT DAMN IT!
::Phelen runs out of the ring and runs after Wilt. Wilt takes off into
GP: That seems to be the popular ending to every interview that happens
between these two men.
JT: They have a pure hatred of eachother...mm mm mm good television.
GP: We'll be right back.
Glass Dumpster Match
Pacific Title Match
Ken War defends against Jax Stone
GP: Welcome back folks and we've got another special stipulation match
up for you!
JT: Another one, I know Chairman Dane is desperate for ratings but this
Stinky: I disagree, I think that it's a very good id....
JT: Shut up bitch!
GP: Even without Nikki we still get the good old SMACK.
JT: Somebody's gotta fill in.
Stinky: Screw you JT, I don't deserve this kind of abuse!
JT: Ok, Ok, Stumpy, I'll stop.
Stinky: IT'S NOT STUMPY! IT'S STINKY DAMMIT! STINKY B. WIZZLECHEEKS!
GP: Let's get to our next match.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a special
BROKEN GLASS DUMPSTER MATCH FOR THE IWO PACIFIC TITLE! Introducing first,
the challenger, standing at 6'6" and weighing 269 pounds, being accompanied
by John Smythe, here is............JAX STONE!!!!!!!!
("Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie blasts as Jax Stone makes his way through
the curtains along with John Smythe. He climbs into the ring and waits.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, he is the IWO PACIFIC CHAMPION! Standing
at 6'5" and weighing 270 pounds, here is.............KEN WAR!!!!!!!!
("Master and Slave" by Kiss plays as Ken War runs down to the ring.)
GP: We are underway here! Ken War jumped jumped on top of the dumpster and
dove into the ring nailing Stone with a huge spear!
JT: What exactly is a broken glass dumpster match Sticky? Can you fll us
Stinky: Well, I believe the dumpster is filled with broken glass and first
person to throw their opponent in is the....hey! MY NAME ISN'T STICKY!
STINKY B. WIZZLECHEEKS!
JT: Yeah whatever. Wow look at Ken War pounding the hell outta Stone.
GP: He sure is, wait! Stone rolls over and now is punching War! War kicks
Stone off and clotheslines him out of the ring! War landed right on top of
the dumpster but he was spared because it's not open.
Stinky: Lucky him.
JT: Unlucky us though, I wanna see some blood!
Stinky: Well I'm sure in this type of a match you will see lots of blood.
JT: SHUT UP STIFFLER!
Stinky: IT'S STINKY!
GP: Stone is following War to the outside. He grabs War! NOOOOO! KEN WAR
JUST GRABBED A HANDFUL OF GLASS AND THREW IT IN STONE'S FACE!
JT: HAHAHAHAH! YES! BLOOD!
Stinky: That might have hurt.
JT: SHUT UP WHORE!
GP: I think Stone shielded himself in time to prevent permanent damage, but
still got the brunt of that glass.
JT: Ken War is one dirty fighting SOB, I've always loved him!
GP: Yes he sure is. Now War grabs Stone by the hair and slams him fae
into the guard rail! Vicious.
JT: MORE BLOOD!
GP: War must have heard you JT, because he's heading for the dumpster
War has another handful of glass! He's going at Jax Stone with it! I don't
think Stone sees him! OH MY GOD! JAX STONE SAW HIM AND GAVE HIM A
KNOCKING ALL THE GLASS INTO WAR'S FACE! WE HAVE TWO MEN THAT ARE A BLOODY
Stinky: Should I go call some paramedics?
JT: No, you should KILL YOURSELF!
Stinky: That's not nice, but this is the IWO and I love it!
JT: SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL YOU WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE!
GP: Stone grabs Ken War by the head. BULLDOG ONTO THE PILE OF GLASS!
ISN'T LETTING UP, HE'S GONNA PILEDRIVER WAR ONTO THE GLASS! NO!!! WAR
REVERSES IT INTO A BACK BODY DROP! LOOK AT STONE'S BACK! IT'S COVERED IN
JT: That's awesome!
Stinky: I'm gonna be sick.
GP: War is up now and so is Stone. War blasts Stone with a running
clothesline that nearly turned the big man inside out! War is signaling for
the end already! He's opening up the dumpster.....but wait! HERE COMES
VAMPYRE JOHN MCRAE! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE!
JT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!
Stinky: Oh my god! FLYING MONKIES!
GP: Dear god he's right! There are flying monkies hovering above McRae's
head! They are POOPING!
JT: Shit! take cover!
(JT and GP dives under the table while Stinky gets bombared with monkey
terds! John McRae starts yelling something at the monkies about one of them
having a whore for a mom or something and the monkies take acception and
swoop down to the attack. McRae fights valiantly against the monkies, but
they are two strong and numerous for him. Lindley Taber runs down to try
save him, but is bitch slapped by the lead monkey. The monkies then grab
McRae and fly out through the arena roof with him. JT and GP climb out from
underneath the desk.)
JT: That was some weird ass shit!
GP: Yes.....well, ON WITH THE MATCH. That distraction allowed Jax Stone to
get the upper hand over Ken War.
Stinky: I have to go change my clothes, those monkies pooped all over me.
JT: GOOD, LEAVE STUPID.
Stinky: It's Stinky.....Stinky B. Wizzlecheeks.....
GP: Now Jax Stone is trying to throw Ken War into the dumpster. You're not
gonna get War in there unless he's unconscious.
JT: Hey, War may be a good wrestler, but he sucked as an announcer.
GP: He sure did. Now Stone grabs a chair and starts bashing it across
back. Stone tries to throw War in again, but War grabs Stone and sends him
into the dumpster with a snap mare! All he has to do is close the lid!
JT: No! Stone just kicked the first half of the lid into War's face!
GP: Stone climbs out of the dumpster, he's got glass sticking everywhere in
him! War is stumbling around and Stone is waiting for him to turn around.
WAR TURNS AROUND, STONE BOOTS HIM IN THE
STOMACH.......ELIMINATION!!!!!!(fameasser) WAR IS OUT! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A
NEW PACIFIC CHAMPION!
JT: He's still gotta get War into that dumpster, and I don't think he can
GP: Well Jax isn't wasting any time, he's got War up on his shoulder in a
fireman's carry and is taking him towards the dumpster. STONE'S ABOUT TO
DUMP KEN WAR IN THE DUMPSTER! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMP! NOOO!
JT: Damn! Ken War just reversed that fireman's carry into a DDT!
GP: Both men are down now! War is slowly pulling himself to his feet.
Stone is up too. They're going shot for shot! War takes the advantage. He
goes for a suplex but Stone blocks it and reverses it! Stone picks War up,
he goes for another Elimination, but War flips him off! JAX LANDS ON HIS
FEET BUT IS MET WITH A DROPKICK! STONE FALLS BACK INTO THE RINGPOST AND WAR
FOLLOWS IN WITH A CLOTHESLINE BUT STONE DUCKS AWAY! STONE GRABS WAR!
POWERBOMB! STONE PICKS WAR UP, HE TRIES TO GORILLA PRESS HIM, HE CAN'T GET
HIM! WAR KNEES STONE IN THE STOMACH, HE NAILS HIM WITH A PEDIGREE! WAR IS
BRINGING STONE INTO THE RING! HE TAKES HIM TO THE TOP ROPE! BLACK
DIAMOND!(top rope leaping falcon, whatever the hell that is) OH MY GOD A
BLACK DIAMOND FROM INSIDE THE RING INTO THE DUMPSTER! JAX STONE MAY BE
JT: Jesus Christ what the hell just happened.
GP: Ken War just nailed Stone with the Black Diamond from inside the ring
and now he's climbing out of the dumpster. Stone isn't moving, I think this
one is over! Ken War's closing the dumpster lids, IT'S OVER! KEN WAR IS
YOUR WINNER AND HE'LL RETAIN THE PACIFIC TITLE!
JT: I told you.
Stinky: Did I miss anything?
JT: No, we didn't even know you were gone.
GP: Stuffy, you missed one of the most insane series of moves ever.
Stinky: IT'S STINKY DAMMIT! YOU CAN'T EVEN GET IT RIGHT PARKER? DO i CALL
YOU PORKER? NOOO! DO I CALL YOU PT? OR QT? OR E.T.? NOOOO! CALL ME BY
MY REAL NAME!
JT: Damn, calm down Shitty.
GP: Anyway folks, Ken War is still the Pacific Champion after a grueling
match with Jax Stone that could have gone either way.
JT: Yeah right, War had it won all the way.
GP: I'm just recieving word that the flying monkies have taken Vampyre John
McRae off to see the wicked witch of the West. Apparently the monkies
thought Lindley Taber was Dorothy and John McRae was the scarecrow and they
were trying to gang bang Toto or something.
JT: That's sick.
GP: Of course this note was passed onto me by the leader of the flying
monkies so Im not sute of it's accuracy.
JT: Oh, that's good.
::The scene cuts to the back and you see Chairman Dane walking around with
Earthquake and Jimmy Hart. They suddenly stop in the middle of the hall way
and seem to be blocking someones way.::
C.Dane:Pardon me sir...we must talk...
Familiar Voice:About poop?
C.Dane:No not about poop...
C.Dane:Well actually kinda about "poop"....you see Max your jokes about
waste products must stop...they are simply not appropriate for our high
quality family programing.
Mad Max:But poop is funny!
C.Dane:No it is in no way funny...it is dsicusting!
Mad Max:So your telling me I can't tell poop jokes anymore?
Mad Max:Okay that'll work fine...I can live.
C.Dane:Thank you sir...have a wholesome day.
::Dane begins to walk away and suddenly a large hunk of poop smacks him in
the back of the head.::
Max:POOP ON YOU!
C.Dane:Oh you'll regret that...get em' Quake!
::Earthquake takes two steps towards him and falls down desperatley trying
catch his breath.::
C.Dane:You may have won this round Max but I will win the war!
Max:I threw poop at you!
Shack vs. TRO
GP: FANS! WHILE YOU WERE OUT, THE COMBATENTS OF THE US TITLE MATCH
THE MATCH EARLY!
JT: Yeah! TRO now has Justin Shack up. DVD!
SBW: TRO now goes to the top rope. Leg drop! Nice move by TRO!
JT: TRO WITH A COVER!
GP: That was pretty close. It's not looking good for Shack now!
JT: Strike that! Shack gouges the eyes of TRO. That's the kind of
that I like to see!
GP: You mean cheating.
GP: Well, Shack pulls TRO up, and an atomic drop to TRO!
JT: Shack goes to the top rope. Moonsault onto TRO!
GP: Shack for a cover!
GP: TRO just won't lie down!
JT: TRO is getting up slowly. Shack just watches.
GP: LOW BLOW TO SHACK!
SBW: TRO grabs Shack. DDT!
GP: TRO runs into the ropes and bounces off. Moonsault!
JT: TRO FOR A COVER!
GP: SO CLOSE!
JT: TRO is still on top of this thing though!
GP: TRO sets up Shack next to the ropes! I THINK I KNOW WHAT THIS IS
JT: TRO goes to the top rope!
GP: END OF DAYS (Tornado DDT)!
JT: WHAT A MOVE!
GP: TRO WITH A COVER!
GP: TRO WINS! WE'VE GOT A NEW US CHAMP!
JT: IT WASN'T EVEN A WEEK AGO THAT SHACK WON THE TITLE! THAT MIGHT BE
KIND OF RECORD!
GP: THIS IS A HUGE WIN FOR TRO! MAYBE HE'LL BE THE GREAT CHAMP THAT I
PREDICTED SHACK WOULD BE MONDAY!
::Scene cuts to the back and you see Chrome Thunder battered and beaten
a hard fought match. He is approached by Evan Levine in the back.::
Evan:Hey buddy...hard lost.
Chrome:Yeah...I think I gave it a good shot though...
Evan:Yes you certainly did...you know what Chrome....
Chrome:What's that bud?
Evan:I'm glad I took friendship over a faceless stable.
Chrome:Your a smart guy I knew ya would...
Evan:Put her their....
::The Beverly Hill Bruisers suddenly attack Chrome from behind. They
to beat him to the ground with gulf clubs and Evan is now stomping the
out of him. The throw their 9 irons down on him and walk off.::
Evan:Sorry buddy....but friendship don't get far in this biz...
*last one should have been 8...had two part 7*
GP: Alright fans.. here we have a match that could be
main event caliber. Two men, both
hate eachother, and both are former world champions.
Its tough to pick a winner here,
JT: Yeah, but if I have to pick one, Im going with
Wildman Billy Larson, cause he is
just too damn cool
SBW: Id like to oppose JT and select Ashton Cain...
JT: SHUT UP YOU FAGGIT!
Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for
one fall, and is no DQ. Inroducing
::"Only One" by Slipknot starts to play::
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at 285 pounds.. a former
IWO Heavyweight Champion of
the World.. one half of what used to be HOSTILE
YOUTH.. he is... ASHTON CAIN!
Accompanied by Alexis Cain.
::Ashton Cain walks out to a big pop. He heads down
the aisle and gets in the ring.::
Ring Announcer: And his opponent..
:: "Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizkit starts to play::
Ring Announcer: Weighing in a 255 pounds.. also a
former IWO Heavyweight World
Champion.. he is regarded as one of the best the IWO
has to offer.. he is BILLY
LARSON! Accompanied by Summer.
::Billy Larson comes out to mostly boos and gets in
the ring. The bell sounds and the
GP: Larson is in a hurry to get this thing started, he
is hammering away on the back of
Ashton Cain. Cain cant get anything going and Larson
whips him into the ropes.. OH
WOW! What a clothesline. Larson hauls Cain up again
and kicks him in the stomach..
wham! Axe kick!
JT: Cain is up but he doesnt look all that good, and
hes staggering into the corner to
catch his breath.. Larson is charging in..OH! Cain
stuck his elbow out and caught Billy
Larson in the face! Larson staggers back...
CLOTHESLINE BY CAIN! Larson was just
SBW: Aston Cain is using his superior wrestling
ability to gain an advantage. Very
admirable. Now Cain has Larson.. he does one of those
maneuvers where you take the
oppoenent down head first.. you know.. a .. a..
JT: A DDT, you nerd!
GP: Yes, Cain with a DDT and now he is stoping on the
neck of Billy Larson. Ouch, that
has to hurt. Cain pulls Larson up, big chop across the
chest.. Larson staggering into the
ropes and Cain is charging.. Larson back body flips
Ashton Cain over the top rope!
OUCH! Cain falls head first to the concrete floor!!!
JT: HA, WHAT A SHOT! Cain is hurt, I think.
GP: Larson hops over the top rope and now hes going
over and hes got a chair.. Cain is
coming to, and looking around.. he doesnt see
Larson.. WHAM! CHAIR SHOT! Cain
falls to the ground.. Larson puts the chair down and
now he has Cain.. ONE HANDED
SCOOP SLAM! ONTO THE CHAIR!!!
JT: Larson stomps Cain a few times now he is going up
onto the apron.. ELBOW DROP
OFF THE APRON.. NO! CAIN MOVES! CAIN MOVES AND
JUST CONNECTED WITH THE CHAIR!
GP: Now both men are down but Cain is getting up
slowly.. he rolls Larson into the ring
and now he has a broomstick from under the ring.
Ashton Cain into the ring and he blasts
Larson with a superkick, now he is choking him with
the broomstick. Cain tosses Larson
back to the outside and brings him over to the
guardrail.. Cain tosses Larson out into the
crowd and now he has unseated one fan.. CAIN USES THE
CHAIR ON LARSON!
SBW: That fan is very upset.. and rightfully so.
JT: Shut up Stinky. Ashton and Larson are brawling
through the crowd now.. Larson now
has the advantage and they brawl all the way to the
technician table.. Larson scoops Cain
up onto his shoulder.. LARSON IS GOING FOR A
TOMBSTONE... NO! CAIN
SLIDES OF LARSONS SHOULDER... FACE BUSTER THROUGH THE
HOLY SH*T! LARSON IS BUSTED OPEN AND ASTHON CAIN IS
GP: ASHTON CAIN HAS A PIECE OF THE BROKEN TABLE AND HE
IT OVER THE HEAD OF BILLY LARSON! THE TABLE SHATTERS
PIECES AND LARSON FALLS TO THE GROUND, CRAWLING MADLY
FROM CAIN WHO IS LIKE A SAVAGE OUT THERE! LARSON HAS A
FROM THE TABLE... HE STABS CAIN IN THE GUT WITH IT!!!
JT: GEEZ! Larson dropkicks Cain and he falls into the
camera tower. Ashton is rushing
towards Larson now trying to get an advantage but
Larson ducks.. BACK BODY DROP!
CAINS FACE HIT THE CONCRETE FLOOR AND NOW HES
GP: Larson pulls Cain up and tugs him toward the
camera tower... Larson is slamming
Ashton Cains face into the tower and blood is
spitting out everywhere. Billy Larson now
lifts Cain up and rams him face first into the tower..
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THE
F*CKING TOWER IS FALLING! THE TOWER JUST FELL RIGHT ON
BILLY LARSON AND ASHTON CAIN! HOLY SH*T!!!!
SBW: AHH! ARE THEY HURT?????
JT: THE WHOLE CROWD IS IN SHOCK AND NOBODY IS MOVING!
::several minutes pass. EMTs arrive on the scene.::
GP: Well folks, this is really bad. Billy Larson has
been retrieved but it looks like Ashton
Cain will have to go to the hospital. Right now EMTs
are currently trying to get Cain
onto a stretcher without causing any further injury,
and Larson is heading back towards
the ring. It looks like Billy Larson will win by
Ring Announcer: YOUR WINNER... BILLY LARSON!
::Larson hops up and down in the ring.. when
GP: THE CROWD IS ON ITS FEET AS ASHTON CAIN IS RUNNING
THE RAMP! A F*CKING CAMERA TOWER JUST FELL ON HIS HEAD
HATES LARSON SO MUCH HE DOESNT WANT TO LET THIS ONE
LARSON IS SHOCKED BUT HERE COMES CAIN!
JT: HOW CAN HE STILL BE STANDING?!?!
GP: ASHTON CAIN JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND COMES
LARSON! HIGH DROPKICK! CAIN SCOOPS HIM UP, ANOTHER
LARSON IS TOTALLY TAKEN ABACK AND THE BALL IS IN
JT: Ashton Cain picks Larson up... SAMOAN DROP! CAIN
SENDS LARSON INTO
THE TURNBUCKLE AND NOW HE IS PUTTING HIM UP TOP..
GP: ASHTON CAIN! ASHTON CAIN NOW HAS LARSON AGAIN...
NAILED LARSON WITH A DVD!!! LARSON IS GETTING OUT OF
HES HAD ENOUGH!! OH JESUS! CAIN JUST MOONSAULTED OVER
ROPE AND LANDED ON BILLY LARSON! CAIN PICKS LARSON UP
SUPLEXS HIM ONTO THE RAMP.. NOW HE STOMPS ON LARSONS
JT: BILLY LARSON IS GETTING TO HIS FEET, HES TRYING
CAINS MOMENTUM! ASHTON CAIN THROWS A RIGHT HAND,
COUNTERS WITH ONE OF HIS OWN! LARSON WITH ANOTHER
LARSON KNOCKS CAIN OVER THE GUARDRAIL AND INTO THE
THEN HE DOES A FROG SPLASH OFF THE TOP OF THE RAIL,
OUT A HALF DOZEN FANS TOO!
GP: THE REF IS DOWN TO MAKE THE COUNT, THIS COULD BE
....NO! KICK OUT!
GP: AFTER ALL THIS, CAIN STILL HAS SOME FIGHT LEFT IN
LARSON STANDS CAIN UP AND TOSSES HIM BACK ONTO THE
NOW HE SUPLEXES.. NO, A BRAINBUSTER! LARSON JUST
BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE STEEL RAMP! ANOTHER COVER!
JT: I CANT BELIVE IT! LARSON PULLS CAIN UP AND ROLLS
HIM BACK INTO
THE RING.. HES GOING FOR ARMAGEDDON! THIS ONE IS
GOING TO BE
GP: NO! NO ITS NOT BECAUSE ASHTON CAIN JUST KICKED
IN THE FACE! LARSON STAGGERS BACKWARDS AND CAIN COMES
THE CORNER.. HEADSPEAR! CAIN IS HEADING TO THE CORNER....SHOOTING STAR
PRESS.....NO! TITAN OUT OF NO WHERE JUST LAUNCHED CAIN OFF THE TURN
NOW TITAN IS IN THE RING...GRABS CAIN....X-PRESS ON CAIN!
JT:LARSON IS UP.....ARMEGEDON ON CAIN! THE REF IS CALLING FOR THE BELL
SECURITY IS SWARMING THE RING....
Ring Announcer:Your winner by DQ Ashton Cain.
GP:Titan and Larson are now being forced out of the ring....and Cain is
knocked out in the ring....
Tag Team War Match
World Tag Team Titles and I/C tag titles
Project Deuce vs. The Beverly Hills Bruisers vs.
The Prep Kids
Okay this one is just gunna be nuts. Tornado style No
DQ. First team
eliminated gets a nice pat on the back . Second gets
the I/C tag
titles. Last team gets the World Tag Team titles.
GP: Next up we have the tag team titles on the line,
as well as the IC tag titles. This one is
going to be nuts, guys.
JT: No sh*t there Greg. Maybe if we’re lucky, somebody
will bleed or be eaten or
SBW: Um.. if that happens, do you guys mind if I cover
JT: Shut up you pussy, did I say you could speak?!?!
SBW:*meekly* I’m sorry.
GP: Let’s talk for just a second about the history
going into this match. The Prep Kids and
the Beverly Hills Bruisers - lots of history. Deuce,
however, isn’t really involved all that
SBW: That’s an advantage for Deuce.... isn’t it?
JT: SHUT UP! NO! IT’S AN ADVANTAGE FOR THE BHB, OKAY?!
GP: As much as I hate to agree with JT, yeah. The Prep
Kids and The Bruisers know each
other allot better and they are going to be more
prepared. Also, you have to factor in
experience. The BHB have been in the IWO for close to
a year now, and the Prep Kids
have already been back two months. The Project is just
getting their start. But, on the
other hand, Deuce boasts and impressive undefeated
JT: Shut up and let’s get to the match okay Greg?
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen.. the following
matchup is a tag team war match,
and it is for BOTH the World Tag Team Titles and The
Intercontinental Tag Team titles!
::big cheer from the fans.::
Ring Announcer: Introducing first.. from Beverly
Hills, California.. At a total combined
weight of four-hundred and sixty-four pounds.. being
accompanied by Caren Dudley and
the IWO World Champion Dane Wilt.. they are Brian and
Michael Dudley, THE
BEVERLY HILLS BRUISERS!
:: “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” comes on as the BHB
come down with Wilt and Caren.
Dane carries the World Title over his shoulder. The
crowd boo’s heavily as The Bruisers
get in the ring and wait for their opponents.::
GP: It’s been a long time since the BHB have not been
introduced as champions.
JT: That’s cause they’re the best! Them and Dane Wilt!
Ring Announcer: Their opponents.. also from Beverly
Hills, and weighing in at a
combined total of three-hundred and ninety-seven
pounds.. the self proclaimed Coolest
Wrestlers in the IWO.. The Intercontinental Tag team
champions... “The Phoenix” Randal
McCloud “The Superstar” Jordan Howitt, THE PREP KIDS!
Broken Record Voice: AND YOUR WINNERS.... THE PREP
:: “One Man Army: McCloud Edit” begins as TPK walk
down the aisle. The crowd cheers
them as they raise the IC belts before handing them to
GP: These two sure have earned the affection of the
fans since the double ladder match.
JT: BAH! The Bruisers made that match great, not the
stupid preppy kiddies.
Ring Announcer : And their opponents.. at a combined
weight of five-hundred and thirty
pounds.. Masters of the Fallen Angel and holders of
the IWO Tag Team Championships..
Deus and Sefirosu... PROJECT DEUCE!
::"The Ecstasy of Gold" by Metallica starts to play as
Project Deuce makes their way
down to a mixed reaction.::
GP: We’re ready to get underway here fans.. all six
men in the ring at one time and the
match is elimination style!
SBW: This one is going to be messy, I’m afraid.
JT: You would be.... pussy!
::DING, DING, DING!::
GP: Here we go! Jordan Howitt and Deus are going at it
in one corner, Randal McCloud
and Brian Dudley are in another and Sefirosu has
Michael Dudley up against a third
turnbuckle! McCloud just tossed Brian over the top
rope and now he’s on his way over to
help his partner. Brian Dudley is up quick though and
he slides into the ring and takes
McClouds knee out.
JT: Jordan Howitt is pummeling on Deus, and now
Sefirosu abandons Michael Dudley to
go help his partner! Sefirosu pulls Jordan off the
turnbuckle before he could get a 10
punch started and now Project Deuce is stomping on
Jordan Howitt. Michael Dudley has
gone over and he and Brian are laying the beats on
SBW: The Prep Kids are getting killed here. This isn’t
fair... four on two!
JT: Shut up Stinky, nobody asked you!
SBW: You don’t have to make comments about my odor you
JT: I’m not, it’s your name.. idiot.
GP: Anyway, Project Deuce and The Bruisers have beaten
the hell out of TPK and now
the four of them are fighting amongst eachother.
Michael Dudley has Sefirosu.. scoop
slam! Now he grabs Deus and tosses him towards Brian
who catches him. BIDAM!
Three-quarter turn neckbreaker!
JT: Bidam, Greg? The Bruisers are kicking ass!
GP: They sure are! Michael Dudley just dropped an
elbow across the back of Sefirosu and
now is pulling him to his feet. Michael going for a
right hook but Sefirosu blocks it and
returns with a right hand of his own, and another.
Michael Dudley staggering back now
towards the ropes.. WHEEL KICK! Randal McCloud just
got up and knocked Michael
Dudley out of the ring via a big wheel kick. Jordan
Howitt has Deus now.. DDT! The
Prep Kids are on top now! Jordan Has Deus up now for a
Prep Drop.. NO! Deus slides
off his shoulder and nails Jordan in the kidney! OUCH!
JT: Where are the BHB? Randal McCloud trying for a
high flipping drop kick... NO, he
misses as Sefirosu steps out of the way! Now Sefirosu
stomping on the chest of Randal
and he is looking hurt here fans.. GOOD!
GP: Jordan Howitt hits Deus now with a double leg
takedown.. The Bruisers have
regrouped outside of the ring.. Howitt runs across..
HOLY SH*T! JORDAN HOWITT
JUST MOONSAULTED OFF THE TOP ROPE AND HIT BOTH BEVERLY
BRUISERS! THE FANS ARE GOING CRAZY AS ALL THREE MEN
ON THE OUTSIDE!
JT: And now PD is taking this opportunity to double
team McCloud.. gotta love that Prep
Kids Team work! HA! Double Powerbomb by the two
powerhouses and Randal the
lightweight is getting the sh*t kicked out of him!
Sefirosu has Randal up.. ANOTHER
POWERBOMB! RANDAL MCCLOUD IS GETTING HIS ASS KICKED!
GP: Jordan Howitt is up on the outside now but he has
Michael Dudley.. he rams him face
first into the steps! Jordan is stomping away on
Michael Dudley now and Brian is up too..
Howitt turns to meet him and now Jordan and Brian are
brawling.. Jordan tosses Brian
into the ring where Deuce is performing a massacre on
Randal McCloud. Brian grabs
Sefirosu from behind.. reverse falling DDT! Deus
doesn’t like that one bit and he grabs
Brian in a chokehold!
JT: WHA! Where’s the ref? THAT IS AN ILLEGAL MOVE!
Deus picks Brian up by the
throat and tosses him now, thank goodness he released
that chokehold, what a cheater!
SBW: You know JT... The Bruisers cheat sometimes too..
JT: SHUT THE HELL UP STINKY!
GP: Jordan Howitt has destroyed Michael Dudley on the
outside now and he is in the
ring.. Brian Dudley is going up top.. Howitt has
Sefirosu up for a vertical suplex and
McCloud just hit Deus with a low blow.. Brian off the
top.. HEY! SUNSET IN
BEVERLY HILLS!! JORDAN HOWITT AND BRIAN DUDLEY, WHO
PARTNERS LAST WEEK, JUST UNWITTINGLY LANDED THE SUNSET
BEVERLY HILLS! The ref is down to make the count!
GP: DEUCE IS ELIMINATED! DEUCE IS ELIMINATED! WE’RE
HAVE NEW CHAMPS HERE TONIGHT!
::PD furiously rolls out of the ring. Two guys in IWO
Staff T-shirts run up and pat them
on the back as they walk up the ramp.::
JT: HA! The Prep Kids are going down!
GP: It’s down to the two most hateful rivals in the
IWO today, The Prep Kids and The
Beverly Hills Bruisers.
JT: HEY! LOOK AT THIS TWO ON ONE!
SBW: Weren’t The Prep Kids getting ganged up on
JT: Stinky, you know what I’m about to say..
SBW & JT: SHUT UP!
GP: Randal and Jordan are now double teaming Brian
Dudley.. Jordan whips Brian
towards Randal.. clothesline! Now Randal with a leg
drop across the throat and Jordan
drops an elbow to the inside thigh of Brian Dudley..
what precision in their team work!
JT: TEAM WORK?!? They’re CHEATING, Greg! Thank God
that Michael is up now
and he is in the ring.. HA! He just grabbed that punk
cheater McCloud... REVERSE
SUPLEX! Randal McCloud is worn out and now it’s Jordan
Howitt’s turn to feel four
fists beating you down!
GP: How quickly the tides have turned here as now the
BHB are hammering away on a
weakening Jordan Howitt. Howitt goes down to all fours
and Michael Dudley kicks him
savagely in the kidney! OUCH!
JT: HAHA! Now Brian is going to the top and Michael is
holding Howitt.. NO! THAT
BASTARD DUCKED AND BRIAN HIT HIS OWN PARTNER WITH A
GP: Randal McCloud is up now, as the momentum of this
match is like a see-saw, back
and forth. Randal helps up Jordan and now they two are
stomping on Brian Dudley..
Michael is recovering but McCloud meets him and tosses
him into the ropes.. WHAM!
High leg clothesline! I’ve never seen such agility! He
got six feet off the ground and
Michael Dudley goes crashing to the mat.. uh oh.
JT: YES! Dane Wilt is FINALLY getting involved. Wilt
has Howitt now and he pulls him
to the outside, ramming his face into the guardrail!
YES! GO DANE! Now a reverse
Russian leg sweep! ONTO THE CONCRETE! HAHAHA!
SBW: Oh no.. Jordan is bleeding.. oh no, I’m feeling
JT: BLOOD! YES! HAHA SHUT UP PUSSY!
GP: Randal McCloud is now desperately trying to fight
off both Bruisers.. right hand to
Michael, right hand to Brian, back and forth, but he
just can’t do it! Brian has come back
and he hits Randal with a right hand.. now Michael
with a kick to McCloud’s gut..
JT: Dane Wilt smashes the bloody Jordan Howitt into
the ring post.. now he scoop slams
him THROUGH A TABLE! HAHA OH MAN THIS IS GREAT! Jordan
just can’t garner
any offense at all!
GP: In the ring, Randal is getting wasted! Double DDT
now, poor McCloud, all he’s been
getting is double teams. Now Michael has Randal up in
a vertical suplex, could be The
Sunset In.. NO! McCloud some how reversed the suplex!
Brian Dudley goes sailing off
into thin air and all three men are down in the ring
JT: NO! COME ON GUYS, DANE IS DOING HIS PART! HE’S
NOW GET IT DONE!
GP: Wilt and Howitt are the only two standing, but the
way it’s going that isn’t going to
last much longer! Wilt is just KILLING Jordan Howitt!
Now he smashes his already
cracked face into the EDGE of the ring steps! JESUS!
JT: OH MAN THIS IS FANTASTIC! Dane Wilt is just
WHIPING HIS ASS with
Howitt! Uh oh... FACE LIFT! AHAHAHAHA! DANE WILT JUST
GAVE THE FACE
LIFT TO JORDAN HOWITT! HE’S OUT!
GP: Now Wilt is getting in the ring and The BHB are
coming to.. Brian takes one of
McClouds arms and Michael takes the other.. now Caren
Dudley has just given Dane a
bag of goodies.. what the hell is he taking out?
JT: A RUSTED CHAINSAW!
GP: Dane Wilt has just taken out that rusted chainsaw
and he is waving it around.. OH
MY GOD! HE JUST SMASHED MCCLOUD IN THE FACE WITH THE
CHAINSAW! HOLY SH*T! HOLY F*CKING SH*T!
JT: HAHA YES! HE’S BLEEDING!
::SBW passes out::
GP: NO! WILT HAS THE CHAINSAW UP... ANOTHER SHOT!
MCCLOUD IS GOING TO DIE HERE FOLKS, I TRUELY BELIEVE
ANOTHER SHOT! HOLY SH*T! ANOTHER F*CKING SHOT TO THE
WITH THE CHAINSAW! DANE IS KILLING HIM! SOMEBODY STOP
THIS JUST ISN’T RIGHT! ANOTHER SHOT IN THE FACE,
MCCLOUD IS SPLIT
WIDE OPEN ON THE FOREHEAD AND THE CHEEK!
JT: HAHAHA! Now Dane is holding up his World Title
belt.. He is showing it to all the
fans.. why are they booing?
GP: Randal McCloud has a funny look in his eye, I
think he is seeing his life flash before
his eyes.. Dane Wilt is bring the belt down to
McClouds eye level and pointing at it...
McCLOUD! McCLOUD JUST KICKED THE BELT INTO DANE’S FACE
HE IS COMING TO! AFTER WHAT HE JUST WENT THROUGH THIS
AMAZING! THE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET AS McCLOUD KICKS
AND HE GOES TUMBLING THROUGH THE ROPES! JORDAN HOWITT
JT: WHAT? NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!
GP: RANDAL MC-F’N CLOUD! HE JUST PULLED ONE ARM FREE
AND NOW HE
IS ELBOWING BRIAN DUDLEY IN THE FACE! THE OTHER ARM IS
CAN HE POSSIBLY STILL BE STANDING?!?
JT: FALL YOU IDIOT! LOOOOOSSSEEEEEEE DAMMIT, LOSE!
GP: RANDAL IS TRYING TO COMEBACK HERE FANS.. VERTICAL
MICHAEL DUDLEY.. NO! REVERSED! BRIAN IS UP TOP AND
TO SEE THE SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS! WHAT IS HOWITT
JT: YES! WHAT? WAIT! NOOOO! WHAT THE HELL!
GP: JORDAN HOWITT IS UP! HE GRABS BRIAN BY THE LEG AND
DOWN ON THE TURNBUCKLE! MICHAEL CAN’T HOLD MCCLOUD
ANYLONGER, HE COLLAPSES! BRIAN FALLS ONTO JORDANS
OH MY GOD!!!!! PREP DROP! PREP DROP!
JT: RANDAL McCLOUD IS UP ON TOP NOW! NOOOO THIS CAN’T
GP: THE AMERICAN DREAM! THE AMERICAN DREAM ON BRIAN
AND JORDAN JUST HIT EMERALD FUSION ON MICHAEL DUDLEY!
IS MAKING THE COVER!!!
GP: THE PREP KIDS HAVE WON IT! THE PREP KIDS HAVE WON
TITLES FOR THE SECOND TIME, MAKING THEM THE SECOND
HISTORY TO DO IT!!!
::In the ring, the BHB lay motionless as The Prep Kids
are handed the tag team titles.
Randal McCloud takes a mic::
Randal McCloud: Bruisers, once upon a time I heard
about your ‘plan’. Now tell me..
where, exactly, does THIS fit into the plan?
GP: Randal McCloud looks like hell folks, but the fact
is, he and his partner have won the
tag team championships for the second time, making The
Prep Kids record holders with
Hostile Youth. Jordan Howitt is also the only man in
the IWO besides “The Legend”
Phelen Kell to become a three time IWO World Tag Team
JT: DAMMIT, This is SOOO disappointing! Wake up
Stinky, I want to hassle you some!
::We see Chairman Dane walking through the back in the locker rooms
mini chalkboard in his hand. He walks toward a door and knocks on it.
door reads "TITAN: Keep the Hell Out". Chairman Dane pulls out his
Duct Tape and puts a piece over the "hell" part. Titan opens the door
looks down at Chairman Dane.::
Titan: What do you want?
Chairman Dane: Well I'd like to come in and talk to you about your
with the IWO Mr. Titan sir.
Titan: Get in here.
::Titan grabs Chairman Dane and throws him inside. Dane sets up his
chalkboard on a chair. On it are the numerous TV rating symbols. He
a lazer pointer and begins pointing.::
Chairman Dane: Now you see Mr. Titan...although your in ring talent is
good...and I'm sure President Jamie...our great great leader...and
thousands...is very pleased with it. But as THE Head of the IWO
Department...I feel its my duty to talk to you right now. You
recent "interviews" and actions in the IWO...you could say they are...
Titan: I'm listening.
Chairman Dane: Well, I'm on a mission to cut out all the "potty
bad bad things here in the IWO because after all we are a family
entertainment show. Now if we ever can aquire...this little rating
::Dane points to TVMA.::
Chairman Dane: Then you could do your little dirty fun and games. But
not there...we're here.
::Points to TVPG.::
Chairman Dane: And I don't want us to lose fans because your such a sex
Titan: Kinda funny...I think people like all the things I do.
Chairman Dane: Well...yes its a proven fact that they do...but they
know what they want...we the TV people do. And we are a TV PG show.
Titan; We are?
Chairman Dane: Yes, as a matter of fact we are.
Titan; Wow...I didn't know that. Amazing. Hey thanks Chairman Dane..for
showing me the light.
Chairman Dane: It was my pleasure.
Titan: Put her there pal!
::Titan puts his hand out for Dane to shake it. He grabs Dane and lifts
up in the air and begins carrying him through the halls and to the
Dane is whining and crying all the way. Titan holds Chairman Dane
in a toilet and proceeds to give him a nice swirley. He gives him a
one and then drops him on the floor.::
Titan: Listen up you f*ckin' little meal worm...your ass doesn't
or anyone here in the IWO, no matter how much you kiss Kosoys ass! And
man...if I wanna have immoral skits...sh*t if I wanna have sex with
in the middle of the ring there aint a damn thing you can do about it.
suggest you keep your little ass out of my way. Got me?
::Chairman Dane is soaked in blue water on the floor crying.::
Chairman Dane: You just wait until President Jamie hears what you did!
be in trouble you poo head! I'm gonna suspend you next time! You just
::The scene fades to the ring as we see Chairman Dane crying on the
Suicidal Tendencies Match
Al Coholic vs. Mad Max
GP: Alright fans, next match up here we've got Suicidal Tendencies
the Extreme title.
JT: Thats right Greg, we've got Mad Max taking on the champion himself
Coholic. There had better be some damn blood thats all I have to say
SBW: Is that all you think about?
JT: NO I like sex to.
SBW: Your a neanderthaul. No wonder Nikki only has sex with me.
JT: WHAT? You got her to have sex with you?
SBW: Hehe....yes she had some fun with the Stinkanator. Let me tell
JT: B@STARD! Why do I always get shafted like this? Huh? Why?
GP: Your an asshole man. Plain and simple.
JT: Hey I have feelings! I can be a nerd like Snibbley A. Puffyass.
SBW: ITS....ah the hell with it.
GP: Well anyway boys...as usual it-
JT: Let me guess "Who are your picks to win the match." Right?
JT: Why the hell do you ask us that every week? HuH?
GP: Well it gives the fans insite on who we think has the edge.
JT: Big deal. Who cares about them anyway?
SBW: Hey the fans are what keep us going.
JT: No...the wrestling and the sex is what keeps us going because the
SBW: Not true.
JT: Shut up Stiffy M. Buttplug.
SBW: GOD DAMN IT!
GP: Well the hell with the picks this week then, lets just go to the
GP: And down to ringside we go.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this next fall is for the IWO Extreme
This match...will take place under these stipulations....in the center
this ring are numerous different forms of weaponry to use on one
another...the outside of the ring is nothing but tables to throw the
through...the object of this match is to knock the opponent out, there
you the IWO Extreme champion...
::Announcer pauses as crowd cheers.::
Announcer: And also...as an added bonus...attatched to the ring
be C4 explosives. And now....introducing first....he stands at six feet
inches, and two hundred and nintey eight pounds. He is one of the
men to ever set foot inside of an IWO ring....he is
::"Frayed Ends of Sanity" by Metallica begins to play as Mad Max makes
way down to the ring. He looks crazy as ever.::
Announcer: And his opponent...he is the current IWO Extreme
stands at six feet and seven inches and weighs in at two hundred and
nine pounds...he is the man of a thousand brands of alcohol....he is
::"Guerrilla Radio" by Rage Against the Machine plays as Al Coholic
bottle that reads "Willys Beastie Tequilla" on it in his hand, and the
Extreme title wrapped around his waist. He steps inside of the ring and
the belt to the referee.::
** DING DING DING**
GP: And we're off ladies and gentlemen...here we go. The pile of
the middle of the ring is the first thing they hit now. Al Coholic
decides its time to break out the tequilla! He mashes the bottle over
Maxs head! My god!
JT: WHOA! Max is laughing! He just looked at Coholic and started
There is blood and alcohol flowing down his forehead but he's laughing!
has a golf club!
SBW: A Nine Iron to be exact.
JT: Shut up nerd.
SBW: You asshole. I'm sick of you!
JT: Oh are you huh?
SBW: Yeah I am! You can't say my name right! You call me a nerd! I'm
it! Slapping isn't gonna do it this time either! You and me are gonna
JT: Don't make me kick your ass son!
SBW: Bring it on you hair in Zombies ass!
JT: Oh your gonna die!
SBW: You and me! Next Hostile Takeover in a Stinkys Rules Match!
JT: What the hell is that?
SBW: its.....well I don't know yet but it'll be neato!
JT: YOU GOT IT!
GP: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Now..on with the match! Uh....GOD DAMN IT! Now
lost! There are two tables broken on the outside of the ring, Mad Max
one and Al Coholic through the other.
JT: Damn....we missed it.
SBW: Yeah cuz of you.
GP: Shut the F*CK up! Now Mad Max is the first to his feet...he is
through the rubble and lifting Al Coholic up into the air into a
DDT OH AND IT COMES DOWN ON ONE OF THE TABLES! That had to hurt!
JT: YYYYYYYES! KICK ASS!
SBW: UH...HUHUHUHUH.....that wath cool.
GP: What the hell are you Beavis and Butthead?
JT: Shut up dilweed.
GP: Christ your both messed up. Anyway...we've got Mad Max on the
still. He's picked up a chunk of table and is whailing Coholic with is.
Pounding on him unmercifully! Ouch! The board broke. Whats Max doing
JT: He lifts Coholic up and slides him in the ring. Whats this? Out of
pile of weapons....a Super Soaker!
GP: Al Coholic is standing up now. He looks at Max who squirts him in
eyes with whatever liquid is in there!
JT: Its Pure Lemon Juice! I squeezed it myself! It'll blind him
GP: How did you know what it was?
JT: I squeezed the juice and gave them the Super Soaker. I thought it'd
GP: Sick man...sick. But none the less Max has Coholic on the mat again
this time Coholic is rithing in pain as he rubs at his eyes screaming!
picks up a PVC pipe out of the bundle of weapons in the ring. He is
Coholic in the side with it! Coholic is in some real pain here folks!
JT: Wait a minute whats he doing now?
SBW: Mad Max is going to the outside and is bringing a table into the
folks! He unfolds it and....he's going to the top rope with it? WHOA!
LEAPS OFF SMASHING THE TABLE ON AL COHOLIC! MY GOD!
GP: THAT WAS INSANE! In all my years I've never seen that done before!
Another IWO first ladies and gents! Another first! Now Max stands once
Coholic is trying to stand but is unable to grasp the ropes to pull up
he can't see. Max is taunting him now! He picks up a chair and BAM! He
Coholic right across the back of thehead with it! This may be it! if he
doesn't get up before the ten count this match is over since this is a
JT: Al Coholic is moving and is now getting to his feet. He is all
and is feeling around. He still can't see. I knew the Lemon Juice would
SBW: You want Coholic to lose don't you!
JT: No, I just think its funny to see someone in that much pain.
SBW: Sick f*ck. I'm gonna beat your ass next week.
JT: Bring it on.
GP: Max is circling Al Coholic taunting him now! Max has a bottle of
in his hand now!
Mad Max: Willys BEASTIE Tequilla is BEASTIE!! If you wanna be BEASTIE
Willy then you gotta drink Willys BEASTIE Tequilla or you'll be
Here have a sip!
GP: HE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! COHOLIC IS DOWN AGAIN! HE
Mad Max: I guess you just weren't beastie enough to be
GP: The referee initiates the count again!
SBW: And Al Coholic is to his knees now. The ref has stopped counting.
Coholic still can't see! This isn't fair damn it! it isn't fair!
JT: Life isn't fair b*tch.
SBW: WAIT! COHOLIC WAS PLAYING POSSUM THIS TIME! HE JUST GRABBED THE
AND SQUIRTED MAX IN THE EYES!
GP: Mad Max is screaming now! Coholic to his feet, he bounces off the
rope into a falling hard DDT! He goes for the pile of weapons. He has a
Wiffle Ball Bat.
JT: Aw sh*t man those things sting like hell when you get hit with
SBW: Yeah they do.
JT: Yeah Stumpy would know. When he was little all the other kids made
him and hit him with the bats.
SBW: DID NOT! AND MY F*CKING NAME IS STINKY! ITS DUTCH!
GP: Al Coholic has something in his hand...what is that?
JT: HAHAHA! Its the penis off of some statue!
GP: Coholic takes a good look at what it is and throws it down. He's
a handy wipe out of his tights and is wiping his hands off now. Whats
GP: He is hitting Mad Max with Maracas! Al is doing a little dance as
Mad Max over the head. Max is swinging to no evail. This is great!
JT: OH! Low blow my Max. Coholic falls, but kicks Max in the face
out of the ring and onto a table. Al now is standing up, still a bit
from the low blow. He launched himself over the ropes! My god! My god!
GP: He went through the table and maybe through Mad Max! Neither man is
moving now. What a match thus far.
SBW: Al is to his feet. He is going back inside. Whats he got? EEW! He
dead cat in his hand! Its a dead cat left over from the Cat Bowl Match
The Beverly Hills Bruisers and The Prep Kids had a few weeks back!
gotta be rank smelling!
GP: He just swung it by its tail and threw it down on Mad Maxs face!
jumps up and throws it off him! He is puking now! He is puking! Coholic
going outside of the ring.
Al Coholic: Here man...puke into this...
::Al puts a bag out and Max begins puking in it.::
Al Coholic: Sucker!
GP: OH SICK! Al just put that bag of puke on Maxs face! He is getting
JT: All in the name of rating my friends.
GP: Coholic is kicking the gaging Mad Max now!
SBW: Max is up now though! WHOA! He just puked on Al Coholic! Coholic
puked on Max! WHAT the HELL????
GP: This has become Pukefest 2000! They are punching eachother now!
flying everywhere! Fans are all puking now! And in return Mad Max and
Coholic are puking again! This is disgusting!
GP: Max lifts Al up and Body Slams him into a pile of he and Als vomit
It just splatted all over the place.
SBW: Oh sick I can see the Mushu Chicken Max and I ate earlier. BLAH!
::Stinky pukes on JT.::
JT: B@STARD! BLAH!
::JT pukes on Greg Parker.::
GP: ICK! BLAH!
::Greg pukes period.::
JT: That was kinda refreshing.
GP: Well the show must go on now folks! Both men are in the
puke! They both have things in there hands? What is that Max has? is
that...YES IT IS!
SBW: SICK F*CK!
GP: Mad Max just hit Al Coholic with what appears to be the remains of
Hoffa ladies and gentlemen! This is the most disgusting thing I have
witnessed! Only in the IWO fans...only in the IWO!
SBW: Al swings back though with the deak chicken in his hand! He poked
the eye with the chicken!
JT: Someones coming down to the ring! Its Evan Levine! He is running
the ring! OH! Poor b@stard just slipped in puke! He flies through the
hits the ground! I think he's out cold! Now here come John McRae, Jax
and Tony Davis to the ring, they're dragging Levine away from the ring
throwing him into the crowd! The three are now running off! What the
GP: Al Coholic was busy watching the circus on the outside! Max goes
shot to the head with the penis statue! IT BROKE IN MID SWING! AL
KICKS MAX IN THE GROIN AND WHAILS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH THE BOOK WAR
JT: DAMN! And that thing is thick to man!
GP: Max is down! Max is down! The referee is counting!
**DING DING DING**
Announcer: Here is your winner...AND STILL IWO EXTREME
::Suddenly "Whatever" by Godsmack begins to play as we see Chairman
the IWO rampway.::
Chairman Dane: Congratulations on a hard faught and disgusting victory
Coholic...I just thought I'd bring you some good news....ya know what
Just to show President Jamie....my idol and demigod....that I can make
matches with the best of them...next week...your going to defend that
baby...like it or not...in a Three Way Dance! Your opponents will be
other than the guy that slipped in the puke and is now being mugged by
fat guy in the audience...EVAN LEVINE! And your other opponent....DA
BRO! That is all....thank you for your time. Word up to my home boy
Jamie. Your the man Jamster!
::Chairman Dane walks off as Coholic stands in the ring with a smile
belt in the air.::
GP: What a match! Al Coholic comes off with a nice victory over Mad
Max...both men put up one hell of a fight there.
JT: Loved every minute of it!
SBW: Two thumbs up!
GP: We'll be right back....get some people down there to clean that
JT:AHAHAHAHAHA! MAINEVENT UP NEXT!
Pea Soup Chainsaw First Gallon Of Blood Deathmatch
Dane Wilt vs. Tony Davis
Dane Wilt gave Tony Davis a huge list of things he must do. It is
that the list will be completed this week. This match is gonna be
sick. It will take place in a giant bowl of Pea Soup both men will
of the following...a small raft....a rusty chainsaw...and an empty
container of milk. First man to fill the gallon container up with
be your world champion. Oh and the one stipulation that no one heard
if the match doesn't end in 30 minutes 7 tons of crushed crackers are
come tumbling down into the pea soup probably killing both men. This
gonna be neato.
GP:Well it's mainevent time folks...and I must say I'd be lieing if I'd
wasn't looking forward to this one.
JT:AHAHAHAHA! It's like a wet dream come true!
SBW:Wet dream come true!?! Tsk tsk Chairman Dane isn't gonna like that!
JT:LICK MY NUTS!
SBW:HEY! THAT'S A BIG NO NO!
GP:SHUTUP YOU TWO! Well let's go to the ring announcer who is on a
speedboat with the ref up in the bowl of pea soup.
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen....the following match is a pea
chainsaw first gallon of blood deathmatch. The winner will be the
fill up a gallon jug with his opponents blood! Introduceing first the
challenger...he is a true veteran here in the IWO...here comes TONY
::"Don Cartagena" by Fat Joe plays as Tony Davis comes to the ring. He
chainsaw with him. He climbs up into the Pea Soup and hops on his
raft. He stands on it and holds up the chainsaw and the gallon jug up
cheers of the crowd.::
Ring Announcer:And his opponent....from Hollywood Ca. Weighing in at
is the IWO World Champion...Dane Wilt!
::"Alright (Oh yeah)" by LocalH begins to play as Dane Wilt walks to
with a brand new chainsaw. He climbs into his raft and him and Davis
to have a stare down.::
GP:Well the two are now useing their hands to paddle near each other.
both have their chainsaws on and are getting ready to tear eachother to
peices. They are getting closer and closer...
JT:AHAHAHAHA! KILL HIM DANE!
SBW:I don't really see how this is a wrestling match....
JT:AHAHAHA! This is pure entertainment! I LOVE it!
GP:They are now pretty close...and they are swinging their chainsaws at
eachother...DUELING CHAINSAWS! THEY JUST KEEP BLOCKING EACHOTHERS
SHOTS....DANE JUST JUMPED OFF HIS RAFT AND SPEARED DAVIS! DAVIS DROPS
CHAINSAW BUT IT'S STILL ON THE RAFT! DANE WILT NOW HAS HIS CHAINSAW
ABOVE HIS HEAD....HE STABS DOWN BUT DAVIS ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND DANE
CUT THE RAFT!
JT:AHAHAHA! Davis just rolled into the Pea Soup! Now Dane jumps in
Dane now grabs Davis and is biteing his head! Ewww...he let go and Tony
is busted open AAHAHAHAHA! Dane grabs his gallon jug and just spit some
Davis's blood into it...it's not much but it's a start.
SBW:THIS IS SIMPLY SICKENING!
JT:OH GRAM IT STUMPEY!
GP:Dane just rolled Davis up onto his raft and Dane is now clawing away
his head wound. Dane has Davis close to the edge of the pea
soup....ewwww...and he's cracking Davis's head onto the side of the pea
soup....SICK! Dane threw Davis's head so hard into it that it broke off
chunk of the side of the cup. Dane is now scrapeing Davis's head on
gallon jug and is getting alittle bit more of Davis's blood.
::The lights suddenly go out and "Take the Power Back" by Rage Against
Machine begins to play. Out walks Mysteryious Birdman 0¿0 and Floopy
Mysterious Bird. They walk over and have a seat beside JT.::
GP:We are now being joined by 0¿0 and Floopy. 0¿0 might I ask why you
0¿0:Yo I'm here cuz like I said...tonight Tony Davis's ass is going to
GP:Davis just slipped off the raft and into the peasoup now... Dane
now and just belly flooped on top of Davis...
0¿0:Yo tonight Davis be going to da birds!
GP:Yep...now Dane is punching Davis as the both of them are kinda
the pea soup. They are over at the side of the cup again and Dane
getting out...he now backs up and just ran off the ledge and nails
a spinning heel kick! Wilt now see's one of the chainsaws floating near
and he just swung it at Davis...OH MY GOD! DANE JUST CUT DAVIS'S HEAD
THAT CHAINSAW! BLOOD! TONS OF IT! Davis is now wearing the crimson
Dane swims over and grabs the gallon container and Dane is now letting
of it pour out into the container. He get's a fair amount of it in and
he sits it up on the side of the cup. Dane now grabs Davis by the hair
swins over to the speed boat....and Dane just rolled in it. He now
Davis in by his hair! OUCH!
JT:Dane is now slaming Davis's head into the side of the boat....theirs
certainly not much room on that speed boat...AHAHA! And Dane notices
threw the ref and ring announcer off into the pea soup! Dane is now
Davis's face into the side of the speed boat...and Davis's face is now
solid blood! Dane picks Davis up and scoops him up....and drops him
first onto the side of the boat! Dane now grabs Davis...and nails him
with...with...OH MY GOD! A real wrestling move! a DDT!
0¿0:Yo tonight Tony Davis's ass be going to da birds!
GP:YES YES WE ALL KNOW! SHUTUP!
SBW:Well Dane has Davis up again...and just nailed him with a pile
driver....Dane now sits in the drivers seat of the speed boat....oh no!
GP:Oh god no!
0¿0:Tony Davis's ass is going to da birds!
JT:AHAHAHAHAHA! OH GOD YES!
GP:OH MY GOD! DANE WILT JUST TURNED THE BOAT AROUND IN A COMPLETE
GUNNED THE ENGINE AND WENT FLYING TOWARDS THE SIDE OF THE PEA
WENT FLYING OFF INTO THE CROWD! THEY LAND AND DANE WILT JUST SMUSHED A
LOT OF FANS! WE'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR THIS ONE!
JT:AHAHAHAHAHA! LOOK AT ALL THOSE CRUSHED FANS!
SBW:I must say I don't like this a bit...these guys are just sick!
GP:Dane is up and is pulling Davis up....VanDANEinator! He just sent
down again. WAIT! MAD MAX! MAD MAX JUST CAME THROUGH THE CROWD AND
DANE WITH MANIA! DANE WILT IS OUT! MAX NO RUNS OFF AGAIN! Both men are
0¿0:Yo yo yo...tonight...Tony Davis's ass be going to da birds!
SBW:The ref is now down in the crowd...he is covered in pea soup and is
looking at both men....he brought the gallon jugs...Davis's totally
Dane's with very little in.
GP:Both men are now starting to get up...Davis is on one knee...and
sitting up...they are useing the boat wreckage to get to their
are finally up...Dane swings at Davis but missess...now Davis grabs
nails him with Vengenace (Inverted DVD). Dane Wilt is about dead now.
grabs a chunk of the broken glass from the windsheild of the speed
is now cutting Dane Wilt open with it. Dane's bleeding like a
Davis is draining this into the gallon container.
SBW:Geez...you guys are all extremely sick you know that?
JT:AHAHA! Welcome to the IWO bitch!
SBW:DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID GREG?!?! I'M INFORMING Chairman Dane of
GP:Oh shut the fuck up Stinky!
GP:I'm tired of your shit fuck you!
SBW:Parker? How dare you! Your gonna get in trouble!
GP:I don't give a damn anymore I can't take you anymore!
JT:Greg...I never saw this side of ya before...
GP:Yeah I was just tired of his shit...
0¿0:Davis is really takeing Wilt to the birds....
GP:WOW! A new comment!
JT:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This shits funny!
GP:ANYWAYS....Davis is done draining Dane for blood and lays his
back down and just whipped him over the security railing. That whole
rather open most ran away when they saw the speed boat drop. Davis has
and just tossed him into the side of the cup. Davis grabs Wilt and
with a neck breaker. Davis now walks over and grabs a steel chair.
JT:Davis whinds back and damn near takes Wilt's head off! Davis opens
chair up and picks Dane back up...power bomb on the chair! Now Davis
Dane and lays Wilt on the Ebonics Announce table....and now Davis is
over and climbing to the top of the cup of Pea Soup...AHAHAHAHA!
GP:Oh god this won't be good at all for Dane...Davis is on the brim of
cup....wait Psycho Jay just popped out of the Pea Soup and grabs
to the stomach...SUPER BOMB OFF THE TOP OF THE PEA SOUP...ONTO DANE
THE EBONICS ANNOUNCE TABLE! Psycho Jay is getting up and picks Davis up
his nose....and OH GOD! HE'S RUNNING A RAZOR BLADE ALL OVER DAVIS'S
WAIT HERE COMES PHELEN KELL...PHELEN KELL IS UNLOADING WITH LEFT'S AND
ON JAY...AND KELL CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE SECURITY RAILING!
JT:WHHAT! WHY IS KELL BEATIN ON JAY!?!?!
SBW:He simply did it so Jay wouldn't destroy Davis and give Wilt and
GP:Jay and Kell are now standing toe to toe in the crowd unloading on
eachother with lefts and rights. Wilt and Davis both look dead. Davis
got cut up worse then he was. And Wilt's gotta have a few busted ribs
nailed Davis with a Super Bomb off the top of the pea soup and both men
down on top of Wilt. They are both struggleing to get to their
have both taken tremendous beatings and are simply dripping with blood.
SBW:I miss the good ol' Memphis matches...perhaps Chairman Dane will
battles like that back...
JT:Yeah he could do that...but then rateings will go in the FUCKING
0¿0:Look at Davis...his ass is going to da birds...and yo he don't even
GP:.....Right...anyways Dane is now on his feet and is still very
stunned...Davis is up on his knees and Dane turns around...and just
Davis in the head with a nasty axe kick! Now Dane is calling for the
container...and is scrapeing Davis's face on it and it letting the
down in it.
JT:Dane now has Davis up and walks over the ladder to get to the top of
pea soup and just tossed Davis on to it. Dane is now climbing to the
the soup....and jumps out on the last remaining raft. The soup is
to drain out a bit because the speed boat knocked a large chunk of the
off when it went flying into the crowd. No Dane is takeing a little
bit of a
break...and the ref is trying to get Tony Davis up the
ladder....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HERE COMES EVAN LEVINE!
GP:EVAN LEVINE COMES OUT OF THE CROWD AND JUST SMACKED DAVIS UPSIDE THE
WITH A LARGE METAL ROD. DAVIS SMACKS INTO THE LADDER AND IS DOWN AND
AGAIN. LEVINE THROWS THE ROD DOWN AND IS NOW DRAGING DAVIS UP THE
IS ON TOP AND THROWS HIM INTO THE PEA SOUP
SBW:That Pea Soup would taste hideous.....it is now more red with blood
it is green from the yummy peas.
0¿0:Man oh man I knew Tony Davis's ass was going to da birds!
JT:SHUT THE FUCK UP!
GP:Dane now paddles over to Tony Davis and is yelling for the ref...the
hands Dane his gallon container and Dane is putting more of Davis's
it...I think he might have around 1 quart....maybe even 2 it's sorta
JT:Evan Levine jumps out on the raft with Dane and the two are stomping
hell out of Davis. Wait a sec...
GP:Theirs a extremely large paper air plane heading to the ring.....JAX
STONE! JAX STONE DROPS OUT OF IT AND NAILS DANE WITH AN ELIMINATION
ASSER) NOW STONE GRABS EVAN AND THROWS HIM INTO THE PEA SOUP. STONE
NOW TOO AND THE TWO ARE BRAWLING IN THE SOUP.
JT:Dane and Davis are yet again both down and out again. Stone just
Evan down the ladder and Stone follows and the two are now both
on the floor.
GP:Davis and Dane are both starting to get up....Davis grabs Dane and
flips him into the pea soup. Dane is under the pea soup now.....
JT:What's he doing?
SBW:Did he drown?
0¿0:Did he go to da birds?
GP:Davis is now looking around hopeing to see him pop up...but Dane
JT:OH GOD NO! PLEASE LORD DON'T HAVE HIM DROWN! I NEED HIM FOR MY IWO
GP:Well JT if he dies some other heel will come along who you will also
worship...OH MY GOD! DANE WILT JUST POPPED UP AND HE HAS DUEL
PRESSING THEM BOTH UP ON HIS FOOT AND DAVIS JUMPS BACK AND FALLS IN THE
SOUP. I THINK DAVIS LOST HIS LEG! I THINK DANE WILT HAS SEVERED OFF
JT:AHAHAHA! GET HIM DANE! NOW'S YOUR TIME!
SBW:Isn't this illegal? That would be assault with a lethal weapon
JT:LICK MY NUTS!
GP:Now Dane swims over to Davis and is clawing away at his eyes! Dane
Davis under the pea soup and is trying to drown him!
JT:That would be an easy way to get a win...
SBW:Now it's attempted murder...shouldn't cops be swarming this place?
JT:John McRae and Mad Max are now both heading to the ring...their
gunning for Dane....
GP:You know I must say I think if any stable could oppose the Billion
Promotion right now I beleive it would be Kilroy. They both climb up
the brim of the pea soup and they dive in after Dane. Dane Wilt let's
Davis and is swiming over to opposite side.
JT:Max and McRae are flying thorough the pea soup. Max still looks
messed up from his brutal match with Coholic. They are getting closer
Dane....and Dane is now jumping up and down and screaming....
Dane:NOW GUYS! NOW!
::3 ropes drop from the ceiling and the Beverly Hill Bruisers aswell as
Mini-Dane all drop down.::
GP:BRIAN DIVES OFF ONTO MAX...MICHAEL DIVES OFF ONTO MCRAE.....AND NOW
MINI-DANE DROPS BESIDE DANE...
Dane:Can I have a hug?
::Mini-Dane hugs Dane. Dane then looks up and touches his pinky to his
and begins to try and do an evil laugh.::
GP:Brian and Max are flopping around in the Pea Soup....McRae and
have actually rolled up onto the brim of the pea soup and have began to
punches. Tony Davis is now rolling up onto the other side. Dane Wilt
doesn't notice it and Dane is just standing their doing his stupid lame
Doctor Evil laugh. Tony Davis is up....and just ran over and
Dane Wilt flat on his ass! Davis looks down at mini Dane and mini Dane
up at Tony Davis....
Tony:GET IN MY BELLY!
::Tony Davis begins to chase Mini-Dane.::
GP:This is just totally nuts! Here comes Jax Stone down to the
Evan Levine comes back out and they are now fighting off in the aisle.
Davis is still chaseing Mini-Dane for no real obvious reason. Michael
and McRae both fell off the top of the pea soup....I think McRae
him over. Brian and Mad Max are still fighing. Mini Dane is now
around on the floor and Davis is chaseing him.
JT:AHAHAHAHA! Brian and Max are still tradeing punches up top. Now
is up...HE JUMPS OFF THE TOP OF THE BOWL AND DOES THE SHOOTING STAR
HE'S GOT TONY DAVIS BOX OFFICE SMASH...NO! DAVIS IS ABLE TO REVERSE IT
NORTHEREN LIGHT SUPLEX AND SENDS DANE FLYING.
GP:Davis is up...MINI DANE CHARGES AT DAVIS...AND DAVIS KICKS HIM RIGHT
THE FACE! DAVIS PICKS HIM UP....AND WALKS OVER AND JAX STONE TOSSES HIM
BLENDER?!?!?!?!?!? DAVIS OPENS IT UP...AND STICKS MINI-DANE HEAD FIRST
IT....AND OH MY GOOOOOOD!
0¿0:HE WENT TO DA BIRDS DERE!
GP:DAVIS HAS THE BLENDER OVER FLOWING WITH THE BLOOD OF MINI DANE WILT!
JUST THREW IT'S CORPSE INTO THE CROWD. Davis climbs up in the pea soup
dumps the blood in his gallon jub!!!!!
SBW:THAT WAS A GOOD MOVE!
GP:The ref is checking it.....and OH MY GOD! It's a gallon! The ref is
calling for the bell!
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen in 29:50 your winner....and NEW IWO
CHAMPION TONY DAVIS!
GP:NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! Wait Dane just ran up and attacked Tony Davis
behind. Dane nails him with a Face Lift from behind! Dane now grabs
throws him down onto the floor. Mad Max just clotheslined Brian Dudley
of it and goes down with him. Wait a sec.....what's that siron mean?
::All these lights begin to flash and sirens begin to go off. Suddenly
looks up and 7 tons of crumbled crackers come falling upon him and
of pea soup shattering it into pieces. The crumbs are piled extremely
but somehow everyone around it got away. The ref hands Tony Davis the
and him and the rest of Kilroy lift him and place Davis on their
they walk to the back.::
GP:OH MY GOD! DANE WILT MUST BE DEAD! 7 TONS OF CRAKCERS! DANE WILT
SBW:Good. I hated him.
GP:Now the Billion Dollar Promotion and Kilroy are fighting again.
Davis down and we have another scrap going on in the aisle.
0¿0:Excuse me guys I have some work to do...
::Floopy and 0¿0 get up and grab Tony Davis. They take him to the back
you see a large barrel. Floopy the Mysterious Bird picks it up and
on Davis. Tar comes pouring out as 0¿0 grabs a bag of feathers and
on Davis. Davis is covered with tar, feathers, blood, and pea soup.
still has the IWO World title around his waist.::
0¿0:I told you your ass was going to da birds!
::Camera cuts back to ringside.::
GP:Well security is now breaking up Kilroy and The Billion Dollar
Well we are WAY out of time! I am Greg Parker...for JT...and Stinky B
Wizzelcheeks...see you next week!
11 Nov 2015
6 Nov 2015
"Who wants some lemon snowcones? I swear they're made mostly from lemon."
- Santa Claus