Title: Do you even Market Bro?
Featuring: Mikey Unlikely
Date: 9/18/2015
Location: The Place Where They Do The Thing
Show: Victory XXXVIII

The scene opens to Mikey Unlikely in his ring gear. He is just finishing taping off his wrists. He tears the tape away, looks up and whistles at someone before tossing them the roll of black material. The scene zooms out and Mikey is surrounded by green.

No he’s not smoking…
No it’s not the #MikeyMoney…

It’s a green screen. Mikey is standing in the middle of an enormous green area. From behind the camera we can hear a macabre of voices. It’s very obvious we are on set for something. Unlikely puts his hands on his hips waiting for direction.

A female stage hand walks onto the set, she walks over to Mikey, hands him a dripping bottle of water. He nods as he takes it, and downs about a third of it, in one long drink. She puts some makeup on his face, gently as he obviously stares at her cleavage.

Makeup Girl: We will be ready for you in about 15-20 minutes Mr. Unlikely.

He just nods before looking her straight in the eye.

Unlikely: ...And when will YOU be ready or a little Unlikely?

He asks not masking his intentions. The girl rolls her eyes and walks off set without another word. Mikey laughs, rebuffed again. That’s happened more often since he changed his attitude, but on the other hand most girls love the bad boy.

Mikey stretches out, rolls his neck and hops around a bit, trying to get the blood flowing.

Wooooooooooo! Here we are again. Mikey was once again selected by the United Toughness Alliance to participate in promotional pieces for the ongoing International Tour. Shortly after this photo session, my money maker will be plastered all over these beautiful posters!

Unlikely points to his face and smiles. He cracks his fingers away from his body.

It’s a trip right? Flying around, competing in wrestling, taking pictures, signing autographs. The life of a celebrity is pretty gruelling. From red carpet to green screen, my week is blur of travel and lights.

He walks off the screen area, as they continue to set up, now bringing in props. Mikey heads over towards the catering table.

I mean today alone, I have this shoot here, I have an autograph session in 3 hours, and a flight to catch tonight! Always moving!”

He shakes his head and sighs.

“The life is great, the money is unreal, but sometimes I push myself beyond exhaustion. I wish I could take a few shows off, kick back, drink a few beers and relax.”

He nods looking at the camera. He seems sincere.

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a celebrity if I am being honest. Being recognized everywhere I go, being hassled every single time I go out to dinner, being interviewed in the bathroom stall, Sometimes I wish it would all go away, and there would be some silence. Sometimes I wish I was Lew Smith.”

There it is! That douchey smirk that crosses his face every time he delivers a hidden punch line. If there is one thing Mikey likes to do, its hit em where they aren’t looking!

“Lew Smith, doesn’t understand the struggle of being a celebrity, because no one knows who Lew Smith is. The man is plain, generic, and quite frankly, if I am being honest with myself, unmarketable.”

He picks up an apple and tosses it behind his back, before going through a couple other ones. He touches them all and places them back on the tray before finally choosing a red delicious.

“You see Lew Smith is missing the most important ingredient in all of wrestling! He is a decent wrestler, but you don’t have to be a great wrestler to get people behind you, just look at that sad excuse for a superstar Bobby Dean. What separates the Mikey Unlikely of the world with the Lew’s is Charisma with a capital C!”

He smiles wide and takes a bite of the apple. He makes a disgusting display of it by chewing with his mouth open on purpose. He puts his arms out, and shows himself off.

“Not everyone can be the total package. Not everyone can have these good looks. Not everyone can attract people like I can. Unfortunately this smile is unique, a one a kind, hell I even got it insured! The only thing unique about Lew Smith is his name...No wait, we have had quite a few of those Smiths around here. Maybe Lew should make like Pin and take an extended leave?”  

he laughs to himself as he takes another bite of the apple. He grabs a water bottle, opens it and washes the apple down.

“Dude has the worst name ever, like can’t you even come up with a better nickname? Smith is the most common surname this side of the Atlantic, and Lew is the name of my great uncle, the bean farmer. Cmon man!”

The lady from earlier, waves to get Unlikelys attention, she gives him all ten fingers, letting him know his time is coming. I guess we all knew Mikey’s time was coming a long time ago. He looks down at the catering table again, going over the different options.

“If Lew Smith were a breakfast food, he would be oatmeal. Plain, lumpy and tasteless. Me on the other hand? I am Frosted Flakes! I am a staple in the business, I am iconic, and I am GGGGGRRRRRREEEAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

He says in his best Tony The Tiger impression.

“This guy comes to the ring in a white jumpsuit, no design, no flair, no nipple tassles, no nothing. He doesn't put on a show, he doesn't entertain the fans, he doesn't have merchandise, He’s just….there….”

Mikey tilts his arm, gets a confused look on his face sticks his neck out.

“Like, Do you even market bro?”

He nods thinking to himself, and holds up a finger.

“Now I know what you are thinking. ‘Oh Geez Mikey is not taking another opponent seriously!’. I say quite the opposite. I am the only one taking Lew serious. I mean this is a former VCW champion we are talking about here! This is a man who took my buddy La Flama Blanca to the limit in a World Title match!”

He waits… Suddenly he starts laughing ridiculously and annoyingly loud.

“Oh man, I couldn’t keep a straight face on that one...I mean, VCW was a training camp for wrestling wannabe's, just look at The Second Coming! That chick went undefeated while she was there, and look at her now, simply gone... And LFB, (insert laughing) my buddy Blanca simply destroyed this louis character! He had his way with him from bell to bell!"

He wipes a tear from under his eye as he tries to regain his composure.

“Lew’s only advantage is it his Martial Arts skills. Now Mikey considers himself to be one hell of a striker, but this Lew guy takes it to a whole new level with some of the swift stuff he can do. I’m not going to lie, I know I need to keep my eyes open and be a little calculating. At the end of the day, he's no Alex Beckman... So really, how many matches have we seen him really put people away with those glorified karate chops? He’s like one of those action figures where you push the button and his arm goes choppy choppy."

He tucks his chin down and and in his best commercial voice over impression.

"WITH REAL KARATE ACTION!... Please, give me a break."

He starts counting on his fingers before losing track and giving up. The girl is waving him back to the green screen he nods at her, acknowledging her existence.

“Lew, you need to prepare yourself for this week like you have never prepared yourself before. This isn’t the buddy you once knew, I’m different now. I’m focused, I’m ready to take the next step in the UTA, and in order for me to do so, I need to give management a taste of what Mikey is truly capable of! I started with Will Haynes, I kept it rolling with Coleslaw Jenkins, and now I put the exclamation point on it, with the destruction of Lew Smith.”

Mikey tosses the half eaten apple back on the stack. Carelessly knocking down about half of them. He walks back and begins to pose for the camera as the scene fades.

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