The scene opens to a late evening Egyptian sky, brightened by a rare ‘blood moon’, the result of an eclipse and full moon coming together. The camera pans down from the moon, gradually zooming out we see the landscape of the River Nile. Families, friends and lovers are seen walking along the bank, all in awe of the beautiful landscape they see before them. It’s the perfect night for a stroll, to witness a rare, picturesque sky. However, the scene is somewhat ruined by a loud, bolshie...and all too familiar voice;
“Nah Maaattteee!!! Can’t come to the strippees tonight, JFK’s in Egypt innit?!”
The camera quickly shunts around to the left, in search of where the interruption came from but can’t pick anyone up. Then quickly panning around to the right, the blurred scene quickly focuses on its subject, who of course is none other than Kendrix. Sitting in his Hotel’s outside Shisha Café wearing the latest, trendy, white t-shirt (with #FreeMikeyUnlikely splashed across it in red characters) thin maroon chinos with his ankles showing just above the blue espadrilles on his feet; he is caught mid-conversation on his phone;
Kendrix: Nah, JFK didn’t say he’s an idiot, he said he’s in Egypt...EGYPT BRUV...EGYPT!!!
Bringing his phone away from his ear and looking straight at it in frustration at the poor reception he’s receiving;
Kendrix: EGYPT, YEAH??!!
Bringing the phone back to his ear he stands up and looks out at the river (out of our view);
Kendrix: Look bruv, this new Apple phone Adrianna got me is shit. Can’t really hear you, innit?! JFK’s guessing you’re as frustrated with this product as he is, makes JFK wonder why most people are obsessed with Apple products to be honest...what’s that? Their bellends? Obviously bruv, Laters, yeah?!
Hanging up the phone Kendrix looks at it once more, shaking his head in disgust;
Kendrix: Bloody piece of shit...JFK could pull a better phone out of his arse!
Looking back up he chucks the phone, overarm and out of frustration, into the river. Turning around he notices the cafe staff and guests looking at him oddly, as they are not used to this sort of behaviour;
Kendrix: What?! Plenty more where that came from Bruvs. iPhones to JFK are like sand to you lot innit?!
Sitting back down on the comfy looking arm chair he was previously sat in, he grabs a nearby shisha pipe and takes a few tokes, puffing out the clean fruity flavoured smoke into the night sky. Keeping hold of the pipe he gestures towards the camera in front of him;
Kendrix: Gotta love this stuff. Don’t get JFK wrong, he’d rather have a cold beer like a real man any day of the week, but he thought he’d literally take in some local culture...and pretend to be a pussy, like the Allah fearing bellends in this country...when in Rome and all that, innit?!
Leaning forwards and winking at the camera he rests his elbows on his thighs and clasps his hands together;
Kendrix: But JFK isn’t in Rome, oh no. He’s in Egypt, in Luxor to be precise. Just over a mere three hundred miles from Cairo…which happens to be the very next phase of the UTA’s International Tour.
Pointing the shisha pipe at the camera, jabbing it in its direction a couple of times he continues;
Kendrix: JFK knows what you’re all thinking… “why so far from where the show’s taking place, JFK?”
Using his fingers as quotation marks to accompany his poor attempt at a dumb redneck accent, he continues;
Kendrix: Listen, yeah?! JFK has had many...many critical things to say about how the UTA is run and has learned that they basically don’t have a clue. Not only on how to run a business, but on how to treat their top draw talent, like JFK.
He jerks his head back slightly and rolls his eyes;
Kendrix: For example, they COULD...of had Wrestleshow forty six take place in EAST LANDAAN!...instead of Victory. After all, the roof would have been blown off the O2 arena had the audience’s hero and inspiration, JFK, come back home.
Holding his arms out by his side he shakes his head disappointedly;
Kendrix: But alas...idiocy continues to run amok in the heads of the UTA’s powers that be. Instead of a full house cheering “JFK, JFK, JFK...”
He pumps his fist up by his head and in time with the JFK chants;
Kendrix: There will be empty seats, embarrassingly jotted around the building along with a horrendously BORED...audience.
Slowly and sarcastically bringing his hands together a few times, rather exaggeratingly in the direction of the camera, the sound of his clapping echoes around the evening air;
Kendrix: Thank goodness for the world’s greatest entertainer...in the world...Mikey Unlikely, who will carry that show, that’s all JFK has to say on that…
Looking down at his t-shirt he stretches it out at the camera with a huge grin and wink;
Kendrix: But, JFK isn’t here to moan, you all know JFK, he’s not one to complain! No, despite the UTA’s continuing negligence of JFK’s talent, he says that they have done one thing right, accidentally know doubt…
He opens his mouth out wide and slaps his hands on the sides of his face in apparent shock;
Kendrix: They have afforded JFK the opportunity to travel the world...for free. While the UTA’s fans sit at home on their fat, talentless arses, wishing that they could see the world....
Pausing for a moment he chuckles to himself at the thought of the UTA’s fans being in a financial position to be able to travel the world;
Kendrix: Shit, even wishing that they could go and visit another state...
He takes his British passport out of his chino pocket and mockingly presents it in front of the camera;
Kendrix: JFK GETS PAID TO DO IT!!
Putting his passport back in his pocket he smirks smugly at the camera gesturing for the cameraman to zoom in close to his subject with the inward curling of his index finger;
Kendrix: Now JFK isn’t going to sit here and talk about how he doesn’t get paid enough to entertain the world. Take what happened at Wrestleshow forty five for example. JFK stole the show...WRESTLESHOW?? MORE LIKE KENDRIXSHOW, INNIT!!!
Holding his hand up in the air at a couple with a child in their push chair, conveniently walking across the shot at the precise moment that JFK left us with his latest witty quip, the woman, wearing a burqa, does not leave Kendrix hanging as she jumps up and slaps his hand to Kendrix’s delight;
Kendrix: Cheers burqa babe!
The camera pans away from the couple and follows Kendrix, who gets up and walks away from his seat toward the river bank, his focus on the camera, a steely and determined look in his eyes;
Kendrix: They heard it, you heard it...EVERYONE...heard it. People talk about that ungrateful Judas, Sean Jackson’s briefcase shot across the back of JFK’s brother and YOUR...UTA WORLD CHAMPION...La Flama Blanca’s head, as if it was heard around the world??
Lifting his hand up to his ear he turns his head from side to side as if straining to hear something;
Kendrix: It was NOTHING compared to the sound of JFK bringing his steel chair down hard on the back of that attention seeking old man whore, who should have been put down a long time ago, Christopher Hopper’s head last week.
Bringing both hands up, slightly behind his head he motions the chair shot as he brings them both down hard in front of him. Looking to the ground with a sick smile across his face;
Kendrix: JFK set the tone of the night, WON...his hard fought match with Sabrina Baker... and had the spotlight shining down on him, ONCE AGAIN...at the end of the show.
Running his hand across his beard he closes his eyes and lifts his head back up, taking in his good honest day’s work last time out;
Kendrix: It was the night that the entire WORLD…heard the sound of JFK...THE FUTURE OF THE UTA...arriving.
Opening his eyes he looks back at the camera, holding his index finger up;
Kendrix: Make no mistake about it. JFK has known from DAY ONE...that he is the future of the business. The very future who will carry the UTA on his mighty shoulders. Impressive victory after impressive victory. The fastest rising star the company has ever seen. So impressive, that the greatest group of men the industry has ever seen…invited him to join them.
Looking out at the river he takes a moment to take this huge moment of his young career in. Before he can continue though, he is interrupted by a tap on his shoulder;
“You done yet bae? That tramp wants that hundred pounds you promised him”
The camera picks up Adrianna, Kendrix’s girlfriend, dressed in a burqa from the neck down, holding a folded up pram and baby doll in her hands;
Adrianna: He’s getting irritated and he keeps trying to touch me…
Kendrix bites his lip and hangs his head, disappointed at the fact he was interrupted mid speech;
Kendrix: Seriously, right now? Of course he’s trying to touch you, he’s probably never seen a woman like you before. He probably thinks you’re one of the wives Allah has promised him when he dies…plus they’re all covered up over here innit?!!
He hands Adriana the cash and shoos her away with his open hand. As she scurries off, the camera focuses back on its subject who has returned his attention out towards the river bank;
Kendrix: Since JFK has joined Dynasty, he’s been unstoppable. Just look at the facts. Two Tag wins with the champ and Sean Jackson before he decided to be a bellend. A huge win against the “WarGod” Bronson Box and last week’s hard fought Victory against Sabrina Baker.
Looking into the camera he strokes his beard, throwing a wink it’s way;
Kendrix: Some of you may scoff at JFK being happy with a win against a newcomer to the UTA, a woman no less…but make no mistake about it, most of you don’t understand the pressure there was on JFK to win that match.
He holds the palms of his hand flat on his chest, leaning in towards the camera;
Kendrix: So often the underdog in his short professional career. JFK’s match with Sabrina was the first time that JFK was seen as the outstanding favourite. Couple this pressure with Sabrina’s gusto and super-hot distracting looks…
Looking over his shoulder, he double checks to see if Adrianna is far enough not to have heard his last comment before looking back;
Kendrix: It was some effort on JFK’s part to win his Legacy round one match and earn his spot in the next round that’s for sure. Despite the efforts of the UTA continuingly holding JFK back...just because he’s a part of Dynasty, they can’t hold him back from the title gold forever. They even sent the Wildfire title over to Victory so JFK can’t get his hands on it.
Unapologetically opening his arms out wide he continues;
Kendrix: And unsurprisingly, and UNJUSTLY…Cecil, Barty or whatever other clown who’s in charge of Wrestleshow these days has followed the idiotic path James Wingate set and put JFK up against BOTH…Zhalia Fears and Abdul Ahad…two undeserving ungratefuls.
He undoes the band in his man bun, allowing his locks to drop. Momentarily throwing his hands through them in frustration with his cheeks puffed out in anger, he composes himself and points at the camera with his index finger;
Kendrix: Don’t get me wrong Zhalia, Not only are you one of, if not THE stand out female wrestler in the industry today...hell, who is JFK kidding, your gender doesn’t even come into this. You’re a phenomenal athlete full stop!
Kendrix: But when Zhalia isn't complaining about losing Ace in the Hole matches due to how short she is, she manages to have this knack of winning her regular matches via interferences and disqualifications.
Crouching down and walking around so that his head is at the bottom of the screen. He jumps up a couple of times with his arms outstretched and reaching up, mocking Zhalia’s attempts at Ring King. Slowly walking back up into view, as if climbing some really short stairs he appears with a scarf around his mouth and neck;
Kendrix: Zhalia, you’re gonna have to think of another way to win if you think that’s happening sweetheart...and no, you can’t rely on JFK checking you out during our match cos you’re not exactly his cup of tea darling!
He blows a kiss at the camera;
Kendrix: And then there’s Abdul Ahad, a man JFK understands did great things during his first run in the UTA. A man, like yours truly, who aims to inspire those around him through the medium of professional wrestling. Albeit, by spreading the word of a Allah...a being that quite frankly…don’t exist.
Rolling his eyes he shakes his head a little and adjusts his scarf by flicking it up over his shoulder;
Kendrix: Much like yourself Hushi. You don’t exist, and you damn well shouldn’t exist in the thoughts of the UTA management when it comes to the Legacy title. Let’s face it bruv, you left the first time because you couldn’t quite hack it. You’ve already lost to CBR, AGAIN…and he’s one of the guys going for the Legacy title. Only reason you’ve been given a shot is out of bloody political correctness.
Shaking his head in disgust he looks out at the river in front of him before returning his focus at the camera;
Kendrix: You can pray to Allah as much as you want bruv but Allah can’t help anyone when they step into Kendrix’s ring…because he will do what he always does...OWN EVERYTHING...about the arena. The ring, the fans and most importantly...you two bellends!
Bending down he takes the scarf off and chucks it into the river. Collecting water in his hands he splashes it on his face and throws his hand through his hair. Looking back at the camera he gestures for it to look out into the desert;
Kendrix: Out there in the desert is the Valley of the Kings where JFK will be visiting the tombs and burial chambers of the Pharaohs. The very reason why JFK’s in Luxor…
The camera jerks back violently as Kendrix grabs it pulling it close to his face;
Kendrix: The world’s been talking, rumour has it there’s a secret chamber with a couple of spare tombs going guys. Come Monday Night at the Covered Hall, Cairo at Wrestleshow Forty Six…JFK fills those tombs with Fears and Ahad’s sorry arses after he's done with them and CONTINUES...his journey towards the legacy title…
Dropping the camera to the ground it faces upward, catching Kendrix walking back to the café;
Kendrix: The future has spoken bruvs…his legacy continues!
"[on the subject of Robot Pete's e-fedding hobby] ANOTHER great example of a distraction! I mean, seriously, you wrestle for a living, why do you feel like you also need to write immature power fantasies with a bunch of barely-literate e-slackers?"
- Uncle Rocky