We now bring you a message from La Flama Blanca.
The desert. The blue sky is free from clouds as the sun shines high above. A slight jingle of a bell can be heard. The sound gets a little bit louder. It is getting closer. Into the frame pops the head of a camel. After a few more steps the camel’s body is center of your screen.
Sitting on top of the camel’s back is a man in all white. His shirt and pants move with the wind. His face just out view. The camel continues walking, kicking up sand as he goes. Cameras zoom out a little to show the man in white is wearing a black mask.
We cut to the front of the camel and the man in the mask. This man in white with the mask is none other that The Luchador, The Headliner, the UTA World Champion… La Flama Blanca.
“What else am I going to do in Egypt?”
LFB lets out a laugh as he continues on out of the shot. We go to a behind shot as the camel and the UTA World Champion come to a halt. The camels tail swings a little before zooming out on the face of La Flama Blanca.
“This is my first time in Egypt. Now I can cross another thing off my bucket list.”
Blanca pulls on the reigns of the camel to turn the large animal to it’s side. The UTA World Champion turns his head and body towards the rolling camera.
“I’ve been able to cross a lot off that list since my debut in the UTA. Our relationship so far, has been stellar for us all. I think about the things I wanted to do as a child. THE… dreams I had.” The camel lets out a “ruff”.
“I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to become a professional wrestler.”
Looks like LFB has made most of his childhood dreams a reality.
“I also wanted to see Santa Claus. When you are young, you will believe some ridiculous shit. I grew out of most of the kiddy bull. Instead of becoming an astronaut, I took to the skies in a different way. I am rich… and I am THE BEST athlete in the business.”
Blanca chuckles to himself as he holds the reins tightly in his hands. He turns his head away from us and looks out into the desert. He turns back to face the lens before speaking.
“And… I have met Santa Claus. He comes around for a brief period every year now it seems.” The UTA World Champion sticks a pointer finger towards the camera, his tone has more edge than before. “But Santa Claus doesn’t exist. That’s just a guy in a suit.”
No words have ever been more true.
“Sometimes I really can’t fully comprehend how stupid each and every one of you people are. I mean… you really think that imposter, pretending to be the iconic Santa Claus is in fact the real McCoy? Don’t make The Luchador laugh.”
He takes a breath and continues his shoot as he sits on top of his camel.
“Keep believing that fat man in the get up is the real thing. Whatever makes you all sleep at night.” Blanca keeps his eyes on the camera. He goes for the throat.
“No, that man is a fake, a fraud, a pretender, he’s one of the guys who sits in the center of the mall and lets your kid sit on top his lap. Meanwhile the whole time he wreaks like booze, just like that Uncle your mother wouldn’t let you hang around when you were a kid.”
You all have that one Uncle, you know you do.
“I know for a fact that this faux Santa isn’t who he says he is. Pull down his beard and you will see the real face of this phony. No one is certain of his real name but my many sources have informed me greatly about him. His comings and goings, where he lives, everything.”
Some of the last official Dynasty work done by Mr. Marshall Owens.
“You’d like to think it’s all real but it’s not. It’s a show. This master manipulator has the UTA and the rest of the globe convinced he lives at the North Pole, he plays with reindeer and gets drunk on yuletide cheer and eggnog with elves.” Quite the visual.
“Nope. This man who claims to be Santa is nothing more than an escaped mental patient. Instead of living at the North Pole, he resides in Siberia, one of the most fucked places on the planet. There’s no happiness there, only sorrow and despair.”
A huge contrast, the warm sandy paradise of a Cairo and the wintery bitter cold hell of Siberia.
“His reindeer aren’t there to bring his sleigh from house to house on Christmas Eve… this sick fuck actually eats them. I don’t remember hearing that in any of the Christmas stories I ever heard.” Blanca turns him and his camel back forward, properly facing the camera.
“There’s also nothing magical about his elves. This nutjob just keeps midgets enslaved on his ranch for sick twisted experiments on human victims. You can’t make this shit up.” Blanca laughs due to the insanity that calls himself Santa Claus.
“People don’t want to see any of that. Their eyes are open but they can’t see what’s right in front of them. The fact of the matter is this fake doesn’t deserve your praise. He doesn’t deserve you to waste your brain cells and breath on him.”
La Flama Blanca looks down at his hands holding the reins. He moves them towards his chest, as if to show himself off to the world.
“But the UTA World Champion does. Santa Claus is not real and he never was. La Flama Blanca is very much real. I’m as real as taxes and death. I stand before you like the gods of Egypt. I’m on top of my throne, looking down on you all.”
They way it should be. Blanca isn’t holding back his displeasure for Santa’s return. The insult in even having to have him in The Champ’s ring.
“Because this man says he is the real Santa Claus, people bend over backwards and await his return to the UTA. The Santa Claus merch is just flying off the shelves. You all bought in; hook, line, and sinker. I feel sorry for you all.”
We slowly zoom in on the UTA World Champion, cutting the camel out of the picture..
“I feel sorry because you people are just ignorant mouth breathers. The old and young who can’t grow up, they still think Santa Claus lives among us. He goes on unemployment for Three Hundred-Sixty Four days and does one day of work. Then he repeats the same cycle and has for hundreds of years…”
Blanca holds his stomach, doing a mocking, sarcastic laugh. “Really??
Blanca knows it will only be a matter of time before this charade will go away and hopefully stay away.
“Santa Claus is a tweaked out psychopath that can snap at a drop of a hat. Who knows when this loose cannon will get set off. I hope when he does have an ‘episode’ it’s at a UTA event where the public can see it with their own eyes.”
The meltdown that The Champ hopes to inspire.
“Maybe then they’d stop believing in false prophets and start believing in the greatness that is La Flama Blanca. The greatness that is the one and only UTA Superstar to EVER hold three titles at the SAME FUCKING TIME!”
Facts are facts. LFB could be the greatest of all time.
“I’ve had more marquee victories than most have had matches. I’ve beaten bigger and better talent than ANYONE in this promotion. I’m THE biggest name in the UTA and have been for well over a year.”
Blanca pulls up on the reigns of the camel, kicking it a little to get it moving. Cameras follow them.
“I’m the only UTA World Champion to hold onto my title and defend it successfully time and time and time again. When I walked into the KeyArena, I silenced every fucking beat nut in the UTA and the entire wrestling community. No one gave The Headliner a chance.”
They always do… bunch of shine blocking haters.
“I saw ads for Alex Beckman merchandise days before Ring King. The UTA even bought into the Mike Best propaganda machine. Somewhere in some slum, shit-whole third world nation… the children walking around with milk cartons on their feet as shoes are wearing those “Alex Beckman UTA World Champion -- UNDISPUTED” t-shirts.”
You’re welcome, UTA. The Luchador saved you all from The Machine.
“They are probably in a pile along with those New England Patriots “Perfect Season” t-shirts and the “Boston Red Sox ‘86 World Series Champs” shirts. All events that never took place, sent to die in a wasteland instead of being sent where they truly should have been, the dump.”
“There’s nothing fake about me. I wear this mask because of the honor and tradition that was passed down to me by my father. I respect each luchador who came before me. I wear this mask as a tribute to the greatest sport in the world… wrestling.”
LFB does what he does to continue the tradition that his father and uncles passed down to him. Growing up in the business gave him a respect and love for the art of lucha libre.
“Santa Claus is going to step foot into MY RING. You hear that? MY RING! While turd after turd came and went, left due to contract dispute or just not being able to hang with the level of competition… or James Wingate’s piss poor managerial skills, I’ve been HERE.”
The UTA World Champion continues to preach. Gesturing with his hand on key points.
“I’ve put this company on my shoulders and have been the biggest star here for a long, long time. I’ve been on top when geezer after geezer tried to make a second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth try at a return to the sport. I’ve been reigning over the UTA long before I became the World Champion.”
The wind dies down and the heat begins to pick up.
“All the talk about this match is about him. The talk SHOULD be all about me. I’m the UTA. I’m the first man in the door and the last one to leave. I have never pretended to be something I wasn’t. I got tired of being in Madman’s shadow, having my talent and ability brushed off because he was the one with the dog.”
The Luchador continues to spit fire. He turns his attention to the fans once again.
“The fans are so fucking clueless. ‘Let’s not cheer wrestling skill or overall talent… let’s clap our hands for some bell end with a fat little dog. Let’s clap our hands for some fat bastard who dresses like Santa.’ I’ll never understand it and I don’t think I really want to.”
The only way to comprehend it would be to have an IQ less than your shoe size it seems.
“Cairo is going to see the truth. The UTA Universe is going to witness me exposing this fraud, this phony for what he is… a nothing.”
LFB picks his head up, like he has a thought. “Speaking of frauds, phonies and nothings… Sean Jackson comes to mind. Don’t think I’m over looking you one iut my old friend, my brother.”
Blanca turns his attention to Sean Jackson, the man who turned his back on his family, and will pay the price.
“I know you will be somewhere in Egypt. I hope you know Dynasty is also going to be in Egypt. You are NOT going to get the chance to cash in your Ace In The Hole briefcase. We WON’T let you. You pissed off some of the most dangerous men in the UTA.”
Dynasty… the best of the best.
“Each time I think about what you did, Sean… I want to take a axe and…”
The Champ cuts himself off before saying something on camera that he shouldn’t.
“We were brothers, Sean. One little misunderstanding and you played the quiet game. Then pretended everything was okay.”
But everything obviously wasn’t okay. Blanca wears his emotions on his sleeve.
“I will never forgive you for what you did. I will do everything in my power, I don’t care what amount of money it takes… I’ll sell my three homes across the world to make sure you are left holding that briefcase until it runs out.”
Blanca stares into the lens as it zooms in on his upper body and mask. “I will get the last laugh… because I always do.”
"Victory will be found in Unlikely places, and I will be walking away with that championship around my waist."
- Mikey Unlikely