Title: Turn Me On, Mr. Deadman
Featuring: Mikey Unlikely
Date: 10/8/2015
Location: Private Privileged Location
Show: Victory XXXIX

The scene opens to a lush, green, manicured lawn. The view is from the ground and just stares off at a large yard before hitting the treeline that separates the property.

A soft CLACK is heard, and a ball with a large red stripe on it, rolls into view. It stops in front of the camera, followed by some off screen laughing.

A pair of white NICHIYO croquet shoes step into the scene next to the ball. The feet lineup and suddenly a small ‘hammer’ swings through and hits the ball with another ‘Clack’ noise.

The view rises along the white pants of the man in question. The blue polo being worn, is tight and clean. Pressed of any wrinkles. A yellow sweater is draped over the man's shoulders and tied around his chest.

It’s Mikey Unlikely. He looks exactly like every rich, preppy, douche who ever went to a private school. His hair gelled up, His smile both coy, and ego driven.

He glances off, His friends behind him are huddled in a group and laughing about something. They are all dressed very similarly.

“It’s amazing what you will find that you enjoy when you go through a lifestyle change.”

He rolls his shoulders and slowly walks over to where his ball went.


“Going to need a dambuster here.”


He lines up his feet again and gives a practice swing before once again connecting his mallet with the round object.


“I mean, if you had told me 2 years ago that today I would be playing croquet and having brunch, I would have called you a liar. Hell even one of the two seemed ridiculous.”

He swings the mallet up and over his shoulder where it rests.

“Well let me tell ya! I am so glad that the times have changed! So glad that I was open to new things, and now live a much more lavish lifestyle. I mean even the quality of the company I keep, has improved!”

He laughs heartily.

“Remember those goons I was hanging out with at the turn of the year?”

He loses it.

“What a waste of time! God am I glad I’ve moved on!”

Of course he hasn’t completely moved on. In fact one of those goons has been the entirety of Mikey's focus. The guys behind him yell something at Unlikely. He waves them off.

“I mean take Will Haynes for example. Or as I call him the Bore Meister! The Vanilla Killa! The Bland Bandit! The man has less pizazz and flair, than B.R. Ellis.”


He raises his hands up and shrugs his shoulders.

“How he got into a comedy crew of entertainers is beyond me. I just liked the dude cause he carried the good good. And to be perfectly honest, it wasn't even that good….”

He puts the mallet back on the ground, leans on it and rests easy.

“I guess we needed someone to wrestle. I mean with the disappearing act the other two always perform.  We all knew from the start that Haynes was the weak link. We knew he was the one who just couldn’t go along, to get along!”

He shakes his head and tisks.

“While we made people laugh, Haynes made children cry! When we entertained, Will Haynes sucked all the fun out of the room! When we partied hard…. well… Haynes did that too. Can’t knock him there. Dude knows how to put em down!”

His eyes widen and he gives a knowing look about Haynes substance abuse.

“The man has the audacity to say, that the only thing that has changed around here, is Mikey Unlikely?”

He points to himself, looking confused.

“Well you know what I say about that? YOU GODDAMN RIGHT!”

The friends behind him jump as he raises his voice. They all get quiet and listen in.

“As the great George Bernard Shaw once said… Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything!”

He lets that hang in the air a moment, while he looks upward and onward nobly.

“Here we are MONTHS later, and what's going on in Will Haynes life? The guy who HAS NOT changed, has been sitting in a hospital bed for weeks. The guy who adapts, the man who changes with the times, the Unlikely one, is constantly climbing. I’m challenging for the UTAs top titles, I am having main event matches each and every time I step into that ring…. So tell me Will, why is change a bad thing?”

He waits… Mikey looks around in every direction.


one more quick view of the surroundings for good measure, and because he's a conceited dick who likes to prove his point.

“Thrill, I get up every day and make changes to my life to make it easier, to make it more enjoyable, to make more money! I am constantly changing!”

He points to the camera.

“You are the one who’s stagnant, You are the one that says the same things each and every week, you are the one who's falling behind the times!”

He walks over to his croquet ball and once again lines up on it. Apparently he is playing alone this round.

“This Monday night, Mikey will show you JUST how far behind you’ve fallen. I’ll show you what you missed while you were....licking your wounds. How much Mikey has changed. How much Mikey has IMPROVED!”

He swings and nails the ball again. He slowly follows it.

“Think of it as evolution. While Mikey continues to sway with the way of the world, Haynes is quickly becoming extinct. He is quickly becoming irrelevant. After Monday, Haynes will no longer be a thorn in the side of Mikey Unlikely. This Monday Thrill, You get put in the hospital for good!”

Mikey laughs and walks off as the camera stays in one place. Fade to black.

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