Title: False Idol
Featuring: Chance Von Crank
Date: 10/20/2015
Location: Harlan County Forest
Show: Proving Grounds ep.6

Deep in the Harlan County forest sits a small hunting shed on the back forty of the Crank estate. Miles from the main double wide trailer where cVc resides, the shed has become part of the local folklore. Dubbed, "Chance's Box of Pain" not even the bravest of men will travel up the mountain for a visit. The scene opens up inside of this now famous shed. A piece of an old EWZine article glued to one of the walls comes into focus and reads,

 _| Chance Von Crank was born into chaos and raised by savages. This man's father ran off when he was just twelve years old. Hank left his son and wife for a black mall Santa. Crank was ridiculed for years in the community afterwards. Years after Hank Crank left he had a sex change to become female. He then married that same mall Santa soon afterwards. A shed hidden away on Chance's property is where locals claim he dealt with all his pain from the experience. We found no such shed and the locals refused to point out it's exact location.|_

 The camera zooms out from the article to reveal the walls of the shed. The walls on all four sides are covered in thousands of cut out photo's of Santa Claus. Most are stapled but some are glued. A lighter strikes out of the darkness to light a candle sitting on a small table. The candle illuminates the small shed completely exposing the pictures in full now. Someone has spray painted and written with a sharpie all over the photo's. The most bigoted hateful remarks you can imagine cover the walls with 1000s of Santa's for a backdrop.

 A voice in the Dark: "Not this again... Not this again..."

The candle finally exposes the mystery man. Chance Von Crank sits at the table with both hands cradling his face. The shame boiling to the surface all over again leaves him crippled.


*Knock Knock*

The knock at the door shocks Crank. Since his father left no other person has been to the shed. They built the shed together and only they know the exact location. In disgust, he stands up and opens the door finally. Barbara "Babbs" Crank-Lincoln, formerly Hank Crank stands before him. Wearing full make up and showing her fake goods outfront all ladylike.


Babbs: "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

Babbs steps inside the shed. She gasps after reading some of the bigotry that cover the walls. She rushes in to hug Chance but he pushes her away immediately.

cVc: "Gross."

Babbs: "You need to speak with a doctor. This shed is exactly like what I have always heard it was. This is disturbing stuff, Chance."

Chance pushes her out of his shed and outside.

cVc: "I don't want a doctor to do to me what he's done to you. That face is busted. This shed is all you left me with. I would sit in this shed and hate you for becoming a bitch and Santa for causing it. Every bully in Harlan County whooped my ass for having a sissy for a daddy that ran off with a gay Santa. I took that pain and used this shed to box it up. I used it to fuel a lucrative wrestling career that continues to this very day."

Chance bumps shoulders with his father as he walks past him. Babbs continues trying to calm her son down.

Babbs: "I did wrong, Chance. You can't hold this type of hatred in any longer. Let it out and be free, that's what I did."


cVc: "I have held it in for 20 years now. Soon I am gonna unleash it all. I get to face Santa on a boat really soon. The main event will have a real time limit problem after I use that seven hundred pound asshole to put a hole in the hull."


Chance turns his back to Babbs shaking his head in complete disgust. He walks a few steps then stops.


cVc: "You are a disgusting human being. I nearly allowed you to ruin my entire life. So many nights I would sit quiet in my room with my little .22 rifle. I would call myself a pussy for not pulling the trigger with my big toe while the barrel was in my mouth. I tried so many times to make the pain go away but like you I was spineless then. The best thing you ever did was pump me into momma. You gave the world The Trailer Park Prodigy and was a nothing otherwise."


Babbs makeup begins to run as tears flow down her face. She hits her knees crying out of control in the dirt. Chance turns around smiling and strolls right up to his father. cVc bends over to get really close face to face with Babbs.


cVc: "I am going to hurt Santa. I want to throw him off the side of that boat and watch all seven hundred pounds sink. The whole time I am hurting him just remember you created the fuel for the beating of that man's lifetime. How fitting I will leave him much like that mall Santa has left you, A sad pathetic pile of bitch."


Babbs is now crying out of control. Chance continues to revel in watching the pain spread across his transgendered father's face. Babbs is completely emotionally wasted, Chance goes in for the kill.

cVc: "You are a monster that society should push underground but millennial sissies everywhere agree, you're a hero dad. The entire world has to think that way now or risk being labeled a bigot otherwise. Truly, you are the scourge of this Earth. Santa Claus will pay for every sin you degraded the Crank name with."


The candle inside the small hunting shed falls over from the wind. Behind Babbs and directly in front of cVc it is ablaze now. Babbs turns to watch the shed she and Chance built together burn to the ground still weeping. Chance continues to walk away.


Babbs: “Chance, every child on Earth looks up to Santa and many will watch Proving Ground! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, CHANCE?!"

Chance stops. His father continues yelling about the children. Chance turns slowly back towards his box of pain that is burning out of control now.

cVc: “Fuck the Children.”




To Be Continued.

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