The camera is now recording. Chance Von Crank slowly begins to come into focus. He is standing up facing a darked out window. His gaze locked upon his reflection. Chance’s suit is disheveled and his tie is loosened around his neck. The dark circles around his eyes indicate lack of sleep. The entire room is white with a few chairs and a table dead center of the small room. This also includes someone just out of sight working the camera for cVc. Crank takes a long deep breath then slowly turns his gaze towards the camera.
cVc: “Santa, you must forgive me. I have been up all night lost in a haze of wickedness. I have hated you an entire lifetime. Santa turned my daddy out and then took him away. He was completely stripped of his manhood literally and lost all credibility as any sort of role model."
Crank cringes after being taken back. The implications of it all keeps him focused however, he continues.
cVc: "We went on welfare after becoming dirt poor in his absence. All that dirty grit, pain and domesticated violence created the monster that stands before you now. I had to create a space to contain all my hatred for you, Santa. My box of pain burned to the ground and now only you remain. There are casualties in every war and with those shaky international water laws, I may end you.”
cVc turns back to face his reflection again. He begins shaking his head and puts both hands up on the glass. He continues shaking his head as he continues to talk directly to Santa.
cVc: “Santa… You gave me all this extra edge I got. I will cut you with it so you can feel something real for once. I want to mark you, Santa."
Crank’s grin widens as he slowly turns back towards the camera.
cVc: “Yeah… I want to mark you Santa. So everytime you put in mall work for extra cash, you get the same question from every child.“Who did that to your face, Santa?” As you tremble, you will have to look every one of those little bastards in the eye and explain the devil himself did.”
A table sits out from Chance with a chair he had pulled out previously. He hears rustling outside the door of the room. This causes him to take a seat quickly looking away from the camera. After waiting a few seconds he stands back up and peers out the small window that is dead center of the door. He then continues feeling more secure now.
cVc: “Christ’s birthday use to mean something. It was the day all the sheep got together to “pretend”. Imaginary friends aside, this day was all about Jesus. The outlet mall industry instead subbed you in to be the new whore to chuck shit at the masses. Santa is no hero. Santa is what I refer to as a False Idol. I wipe my ass with your pagan holiday, anyway. You sold your soul to Coca Cola for peanuts in the grand scheme of things but I’m the asshole? Gotcha.”
Crank faces the window again. He leans in close and uses his breath to fog it up. He uses his index finger to write, “cVc > Santa.”
Voice behind the camera: “Chance we can’t steal this tape.”
cVc: “Yes we can, Joel. Keep filming.”
Chance indicates his attorney is the one behind the camera, Joel Weinstein. Chance unfolds the chair he was just sitting in. He begins to hit the table in front of him slightly with it. Careful to not draw the attention of whoever is just outside the door.
cVc: “Santa… I've been bad since I damn near split momma in two being born. Just last night I worked a weak individual over using just my words. I carefully placed them in a pattern that reigned just enough pain and terror throughout to cause her to quit. I will treat you no different. The brutality of an up close and personal encounter with Chance Von Crank will be the final chapter in a book you stole then sold as your own."
Crank again hears noises outside the door and sits the chair down quickly. He then quickly takes a seat as the door swings open suddenly. Detective Jenkins of Harlan County barges in. He takes the only remaining seat beside Chance.
Detective Jenkins: “Okay, Mr. Crank. Here’s the deal. We have no reason to hold you but we believe your behavior led directly to this current situation. Your father is now in a coma. He was at the old hunting shed which we now know you were as well. After the filmed encounter between you and her, she or he, whatever attempted suicide by hanging in a nearby tree."
Joel gasps in shock but not cVc. He continues to look forward with not even a wince at the news. Chance rarely blinks as the detective continues pouring out horrible details never losing eye contact.
Detective Jenkins: “Someone came by and cut your father down before he could perish."
cVc rolls his eyes at the comment. He sighs heavily and the detective catches this reaction but continues on.
Detective Jenkins: “You are free to go and we have no reason to hold like I said before. I just have one question really. I know you are one busy man but it has me really puzzled.”
Detective Jenkins: “I know the only person around for miles was you. The video you posted on youtube proves that. You can keep that tape by the way. That darked out window you been staring into is a two way mirror also, genius."
The detective points out the camera Chance has been using to film while waiting. He then points at the dark window with a sly grin. Jenkins appears disgusted that Crank was going to steal the tape. The gall of Crank to call out Santa using taxpayer bought filming equipment inside a police station with little regard of the law appalls Jenkins.
Det. Jenkins: “I know the only person who could have saved your father was infact, you. I know you cut her down seconds before she would have died. The doctors already confirmed she will have major brain damage now... So I guess what I am asking is why? After all that you said to her just before the suicide attempt, why would you then save her?”
Chance stands back up as does the Detective looking for his answer. Chance tightens his tie back up then locks eyes with Jenkins.
cVc: “Well now that he’s retarded it would explain the dress, now wouldn’t it? Maybe the person who saved him knew this, and waited for the right temperature of retarded before cutting him down."
Det. Jenkins: “Coldblooded.”
"Who wants some lemon snowcones? I swear they're made mostly from lemon."
- Santa Claus