Yous a “Hardcore” “Gangster” huh? I’s never heard of ya. You walk down the street and you hear the name of the Easter Bunny, and you know, that there is Thumper! You grow up on the street, while your mom is sucking and fucking her way around the block, smoking your weak ass grass, getting your skull cracked in your little pissant street fighted and you think that makes ya a man to fear? Bitch, I’s ain’t afraid. Yous got a girly name brah. I don’t know why you think people’s should be shaking in their boots when they hear the name “Ashley” cause when I hear the name of Ashley I think of that cute little blonde that likes it when I spit on her asshole and thumb her like a bowling ball… Maybe, if you play your cards right that can be you at the upcoming Wrestleshow?
In case you don’t know who I am, I’m OG Thumper. OG, as in *Original* *Gangster* mothafucka. I don’t hustle on the streets, why should I, when I’s gots lowly little bitches like you to do the work for me? I don’t smoke my drugs, no, no, no. You see, I’m a man. A man with giant huge balls, and as a man, I inject my shit, you pussy. So you go on and smoke your Pixie Sticks and candy cigarettes, it’s alright, maybe when your balls drop and you speak like you’re finally out of the sixth grade, then we can compare notes?
I don’t know whether I should be laughing, cause you’re my debut match? Or if I should be insulted, because *YOU’RE* my debut match…
I’s tell you this much though, you might want to hold off on that whole “not using weapons” thing, cause at WrestleShow, you might need a weapon or two to save your ass. I’s gonna come in and break you. When you’re walking bowlegged with your head dragging in shame, you’ll know you just got humbled by Thumper, the one and *only* Gangsta of the UTA.
"Don’t get me wrong, I don’t beat children… I just pin them against their will… wait no… I make they submit to my strength… no… dammit"
- Mikey Unlikely