Chance and Joel just recently picked up the now disabled Hank Crank. They have been on the road nearly the entire day. Chance Von Crank and Joel Weinstein left in a hurry. Leaving Texas behind after renting a lincoln navigator to accommodate Hank’s new wheelchair. The trio exit the ramp off the interstate headed for Clarksdale, Mississippi. Joel, cVc’s long time agent and manager is driving the SUV. Chance is riding shotgun while Hank sits in the backseat in a puddle of his own drool. The suicide attempt has left him child like unable to take care of himself at all. Joel appears nervous and even shaking at times. He turns to cVc suddenly.
“Chance, are you sure you want to do this?”
Chance continues staring out the passenger side window. He sighs then turns to Joel.
“I am positive. I have to do this to complete the transformation.“
Joel is visibly upset. Whatever plan cVc has in the works has this man rattled to his core. He inquires even further.
“I am scared. You aren’t doing this to beat the catholic guy, right? I don’t think this is necessary to achieve that, Chance.”
cVc begins to laugh out loud. Joel is shocked by this. Chance begins to explain himself.
“No. I am doing this for me, cVc. The Conflicted Catholic has absolutely nothing to do with this. He has chose his fate. I am going to eat him alive then shit him out in neat little piles all around the ring. Then if the right wrestler tracks through a pile we can finally say Yeshua is going places.”
Joel begins horse laughing to the point of tears. Hank in the backseat even gets riled up.
Chance’s transgender father swings his arms wildly while screaming nonsense. He clutches his chest attempting to speak with no real success.
“That’s right dad, Your son is a genius.”
Joel looks a tad puzzled after he is able to stop laughing.
“I thought you weren’t gonna mention his name, Chance?”
A wide grin crosses cVc’s face. He replies,
The trio finally get out of heavy traffic after driving through a small town. They come to a large landmark that is three guitars on a pole. The guitars mark the spot where legend has it, Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil to play the blues. Joel, Chance and Hank pull over in a parking lot close to the guitars. They mark the devil’s crossroads. Four lanes of traffic converge here where deals of the highest stakes are made.
“We are here. Joel, I am going to get dad out and put him in the wheelchair. Grab the the gear from the hatch. We have to have two witnesses in order for this to work this time of the year.”
Both men pile out of the SUV. Joel does as he was told and heads for the hatch as does cVc. Joel opens it up and Chance drags out the big electric wheelchair. Joel begins putting various items in a plastic grocery bag. He slips an old black book under his arm in order to carry everything in one trip. Chance meanwhile gets his father in the chair. Hank immediately pushes the joystick wildly causing the chair to take off. Chance catches up to it quickly then pulls the battery cable out at the bottom causing the chair to die immediately.
Crank leaves his father sitting in the dead chair alone. Joel is laying out everything on the pavement at the edge of the parking lot. The lot is adjacent to the Devil's Crossroads. Joel hands Chance the pair of wrestling tights he was wearing the night he was stabbed in Mexico. The dried blood stains still cover the tights.
“Chance, we will have to do this in the center of the crossroads. I have to begin reading this conjuring spell outloud at precisely midnight. In three minutes I will begin to read. You must stand in the center of the crossroads and use this dagger.”
Joel reaches into the plastic bag and retrieves the medieval dagger they bought at a pawn shop while in Texas.
“You must lay those tights on the ground in front of you, Chance. Then you have to use your left hand to hold the dagger to slice your right hand. The blood from the cut must hit the wrestling tights at your feet while you request what you are trading your soul for. Those tights were part of a traumatic experience and will focus whatever wish onto your wrestling career with precise accuracy. You must plead your case after you propose your trade. Understood?”
Chance nods to indicate he does. He then turns on a flashlight and sits it in Hank Crank’s lap. Chance’s father is wearing a dress and wig even after becoming mentally handicapped from lack of oxygen during his recent suicide attempt. The purse the nurse sent along is sitting in the backseat. cVc retrieves it then pushes Hank to the center of the crossroads to be a witness. Chance grabs his father’s red lipstick from the purse and begins applying it to Hank’s mouth. He makes wide strokes covering his father’s face with the lipstick.
“You really look beautiful dad. I’m sure you will help my case looking like a cheap retarded whore.”
Joel shakes his head at the abuse and indicates the three minutes are now up. He begins reading from the book. The spell is in a foreign language. Chance makes his way to the center of the crossroads. He sits his bloody old tights at his feet and extends his right hand out holding the dagger in his left. He does exactly as Joel previously instructed. He slices his hand and balls a fist over the tights.
“I offer you a trade, Satan. This early hour I offer you the soul of Chance Von Crank for Power and Success in my profession. I want to be the best of the best and I am willing to do anything including your bidding to achieve just that. Accept this trade and I will do your bidding on a global scale.”
Joel finishes the spell just as Chance finishes his pitch to the Prince of Darkness. The two look around in the darkness waiting for any signal it has worked. Chance winces suddenly from a sharp pain. He rolls up his sleeve as Joel looks on. A scar has appeared on the inside of his right forearm. Joel begins screaming in disbelief.
“The Devil’s Mark! Oh my God! It worked!”
Joel passes out hitting the pavement in a pile. Chance flexes his muscles. He feels like a new man. The scar that appeared on his arm does not hurt. He pokes at it in complete disbelief. A streetlight across the street has the parking lot dimly lit.
“Mission accomplished. The Devil has accepted my offer.”
Joel begins to stir on the pavement. He grabs his skull where a pump knot has formed. He rolls around in pain still in shock somewhat.
“Chance that is the mark of the devil. He has accepted your deal and now owns your soul. Hell now owns you.”
Chance walks over to Joel and bends down over him. Joel sits up on both elbows looking up at him.
“The Trailer Park Prodigy has gone legitimate. I made this deal to further my career. It was only a matter of time before The Harlan County Devil and the actual Devil met. Now it will be two on one. Yeshua now has to face two Devil’s in one man. All he can do now is pray. He should hit both knees now lubed up with real conviction. I warned him it would be a double dicking.”
"Yo momma's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion."
- Kirk Irving