The scene fades in to what appears to be a heavily decorated stage set, with giant puffs of snow on the ground and huge flakes of 'snow' falling. A cold "wind" blows through here at the "North Pole" where icy sleet is raining down on the small cottage and a thick plume of gray smoke is seen billowing out of the top of the chimney, which also looks to be made out of cardboard.
The visage of Santa Claus can be seen through the window, his smiling face always present. The scene now shifts and pans forward, through the door and into the little cottage, where Santa Claus and his well-endowed, and much younger wife "Mary Christmas Claus" otherwise known as "Mrs. Claus" to children around the world, are both seen sitting in rocking chairs.
Santa lifts up a giant UTA emblazoned coffee mug, full of what appears to be hot chocolate with tiny multi-colored marshmallows, and takes a drink. He sighs contentedly and leans back in his rocking chair and stares at the fire, his fake beard now has a small chocolate stain on the front, and a tiny pink marshmallow stuck to it.
Santa Claus: Well Mary, it's almost time for me to get these weary old bones out ofthe cottage and get to work.
Mary arcs an eyebrow and glances over at her "husband" with an inquisitive look.
Mary Claus: Is it Black Friday already? Everyone knows that after the parents buy all of those toys for themselves, that then it becomes your turn to pack up gifts for the children.
Santa Claus nods over at Mary, the chocolate stain and marshmallow have vanished from his beard, through the magic of post production editing.
Santa Claus: That's right. It's going to be a lot of fun this year, because I have a lot of new children on the Nice List, so I know I'll be very busy this season.
Mary Claus: That's nice.
Santa again nods his head, his fake beard shifts over just a tad to reveal black stubble underneath it. He adjusts the beard with a sly movement of his hand, pretending to push back away the white
wig hair from his face.
Santa Claus: But before I get things started for all of the children, I have something else I need to attend to. Someone I should attend to, that is.
Santa's eyes now twinkle like stars as he leans forward in his rocking chair and makes a fist with one of his red-gloved hands.
Mary Claus: Oh dear, you have to go do your wrestling thing again?
Santa Claus: I do. But not to worry, it's against that boy Jeffrey Andrews. He and I have had a long history, with him being naughty, then nice, then naughty again, and me constantly reminding him around this time of year to be good.
Mary Claus: Santa, even you know that some folks are just lost causes.. like that dirty Dick Fury.
Santa agrees with his wife by tsk'ing.
Santa Claus: True. But I think I think I can bring Jeffrey back to the Nice List, and this time for good. I have a plan to show him all of the errors of his ways.
Mary Claus: Really? How are you going to do that? This isn't going to be another one of those interventions is it? The last one you tried, you were almost strangled by Frosty the Snowman.
Santa shakes his head vehemently and slightly shudders.
Santa Claus: No no no. I've learned my lesson there. You can't get someone to quit handing out snowcones he claims are "lemon". No, I've thought of another way with little Jeffrey.
Santa stands up a little too quickly and spryly for an "old man" and places an arm on the mantle of the fireplace. As he does so, the mantle bends and bows a bit, just like cheap fake plastic from China.
Santa Claus: I've decided that with Jeffery, I'm going to try to get the Three Ghosts of Christmas to pay him a visit for the next few weeks. You see, it worked for Scrooge, and he turned out okay. I bet it would work for Jeffrey too.
Mrs Claus shrugs her shoulders and then smiles sweetly at Santa.
Mary Claus: If you think it will work dear, that's all that matters.
Santa smiles back and then grins.
Santa Claus: I know it will work. I've seen Jeffrey turn from a mean little boy to a relatively decent man. He's losing a bit hair, and that makes him quite bitter, but it isn't too bad. I think he just needs the proper push to make him a great person once again.
Mrs. Claus now stands up and walks over to the small wooden table by the fireplace and picks up an old rolled-up scroll. She unrolls it and quickly scans it. She now hands it over to Santa with a frown.
Mary Claus: It says there that he lost his girlfriend and was involved with that naughty little place called DEFIANCE. I'm not trying to say he's another lost cause, but he may be, especially coming from DEFIANCE of all places.
Santa chuckles, his belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly as he raises up a hand and momentarily touches the side of his wife's face.
Santa Claus: Dear, he has a NASCAR racecar bed still, if that doesn't scream child-at-heart, then I don't know what does. He's crying out for help, he wants me to save him from his downward spiral of despair and depression. He has no one and nothing, so why don't we try our best to bring him back to the good side and etch his name back on the Nice List?
Mrs Claus nods her head but then pauses..
Mary Claus: And what if you can't bring him back to the Nice List?
For the first time, Santa's demeanor changes to one of stern determination.
Santa Claus: Then I'll whip his ass all around that ring and beat him to a bloody pulp. He'll be lucky if he can have his Christmas dinner fed to him through a straw.
As quick as Santa's demeanor changed, it quickly reverts back to the sunny, cheerful one that everyone is accustomed to.
Santa Claus: But let's keep a positive outlook, my dear.
Santa now walks his wife back over to her chair before sitting in his own. He sets down the old scroll and takes the coffee mug back into his hands for another drink as the scene fades out to black.