Welcome back to another exciting adventure of On Vacation with Scott Stevens. Come join your favorite Vacation Aficionado, Scott Stevens, as he travels the world to bring you the absolute best travel destinations you only dream of vacationing at.
Where will our guide be this week?
That is the sound of two seagulls flying high in the crystal blue sky before swan diving into the oceanic waters. As the image moves down the beach we see men enjoying the nice scenic view as they coyly stare at beautiful women wearing dental floss for bikinis while their women catch a tan. Children play in the sand as the ocean waves hit their sand castles with such force that they begin to cry when the water retreats and nothing is left but a moat where their once mighty castle stood.
However, far away from the ocean from the crying sounds of the youth sits Vacation Aficionado, Scott Stevens at a tiki bar next to two beautiful Asian women as they are rather friendly with one another. Stevens quietly sips his drink as a sly grin forms across his face as the two women begin to rub oil on each other. Stevens finishes his drink and calls for another as he slowly lifts his white Oakley sunglasses and places them atop his head to reveal white around his lobster colored face.
Scott Stevens: Welcome. Welcome.
Stevens motions for the camera to get closer.
Scott Stevens: It is I, your Tour Guide Extraordinaire, your Sultan of Traveling, your Vacation Aficionado, Scott Stevens.
Stevens says with a wave to the camera.
Scott Stevens: And these are my assistants, Tila, and Tequila.
Stevens introduces his Asian beauties but the women are more into the other than the camera.
Scott Stevens: Friendly aren’t they?
Stevens says with a grin before taking a sip of his drink.
Scott Stevens: Now where was I? Oh yes!
Stevens says as he snaps his fingers.
Scott Stevens: You’re probably wondering what exotic paradise I am hailing from today. I’ve brought you Cancun, Peru, and Monster Island itself, Japan, but this is a special treat ladies and gentlemen because today I’m coming live from the place Mr. Chow died after snorting a line of coke before being thrown in an ice box. I’m coming from a place where getting Mike Tyson face tattoos are the in-thing to do, and I’m coming from a place where a chain smoking monkey is more over than half the people in the wrestling profession. That’s right….
Stevens says with a nod.
Scott Stevens: I’m coming from gorgeous Thailand!
Stevens shouts as he throws his hands into the air and waves them around like he just doesn’t care.
Scott Stevens: Now I know what you’re all thinking out there in tv land and you’re thinking why am I trotting around the globe to exotic locations instead of focusing on my opponent for Wrestleshow, Dan Benson?
Stevens finishes he drink and calls for another and a couple of shots.
Scott Stevens: Well to be honest I got the idea from Mr. Benson.
Stevens says with a smile.
Scott Stevens: If Mr. Benson can take a moment to drive through the lonely dirt roads of El Paso, Texas to enjoy the dry heat and emptiness that is El Paso than I decided I could use a little rest and relaxation myself.
Stevens informs the audience as he gets another drink and three shot glasses that is filled with three different liquids of Baileys, Kahlua, Amaretto, and a smidge of whipped cream on top.
Scott Stevens: Blowjob ladies?
The two Asian beauties look at each other seductively and giggle before moving from their stools and over to Stevens. The two grab their shot glass and begin to kiss the Texan gentle from each side of his neck down his tattooed and heavily scarred cheat down to his naval. Tila uses her mouth to unbutton Stevens’ shorts and unzip them with her teeth as Tequila places one of the shots on top of his bulge from his boxer-briefs.
Scott Stevens: Everything is bigger in Texas.
Stevens says with a smirk as Tila is the first to go down and grab the shot with her mouth and down it. The process is repeated by Tequila as well.
Scott Stevens: Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Stevens asks as he gives the TV audience a wink.
Scott Stevens: Thank you ladies, now if you will.
Stevens says as the two women reach down and zip up and button Stevens’ shorts back before kissing him gently on the cheek and heading back to their stools to keep each other entertained.
Scott Stevens: It doesn’t get any better than this.
Stevens says with a smile.
Scott Stevens: Now, I thought it was pretty awesome that Mr. Benson would travel the Great State of Texas and let me know that we had something in common of breaking into the professional wrestling business in the same state, but what I didn’t like was that he seemed more focused on some guy named Jason Cashe rather than the man who sits before you.
Stevens leans forward on his stool and stares directly at the camera.
Scott Stevens: Really Mr. Benson?
Stevens asks as he takes a slow slip of his alcoholic beverage before continuing.
Scott Stevens: I’ll let that pass Mr. Benson as you were in the greatest state in the entire U.S. of A. and you were in awe of the great vast beauty of nothingness as your reminisced about an old rival of yours, I do it all the time.
Stevens forces a smile.
Scott Stevens: But what I won’t tolerate is your lack of knowledge of my family’s history!
Stevens says as he slams his fist on the wooden bar top.
Scott Stevens: You say you got your break in the wrestling industry in my home state of Texas, and if that happened to be true you would know that every Texas wrestling school teaches you about the Stevens family because we wrote the book on Texas and Southern wrestling. I mean my father is basically what they teach to every beginner and if you happened to pay attention in class you would know if he was a world champion or not.
Stevens shakes his head in disgust as he downs his drink and calls for another.
Scott Stevens: You try to get to me by bringing up the fact that I came up short in my match at International Affair, and that it’s ok because a lot of greats in this business can never hold a world championship like Perfection…..ok.
Stevens says sarcastically as he does the “ok” gesture with his hand.
Scott Stevens: Then, you try to solidify yourself as a bad ass and you unnecessarily stepped on and killed a scorpion.
Stevens minds the viewers as his throws up his hands and gives a “what the fuck” look towards the camera.
Scott Stevens: But you know what I realized Mr. Benson?
Stevens asks as he takes a sip of his drink.
Scott Stevens: You’re just the same as everyone else.
Stevens says with a nod.
Scott Stevens: You’re a cocky and arrogant fool that’s not taking me very seriously. You’re just like everyone else who hears that one of my nicknames is “The Scorpion” and you get the bright idea that I’ll look intimidating and that I have no chance in hell of defeating you as you use the connotation of using your boot to squish a scorpion beneath it.
Stevens says with a shake of his head.
Scott Stevens: Very unoriginal.
Stevens informs his opponent.
Scott Stevens: You see Mr. Benson, I don’t need to go to Texas to squish a scorpion to look like a bad ass because I let my actions in the ring speak for themselves. I don’t need to bore you with past accomplishments about championship gold or anything else because in Wrestle UTA it doesn’t mean a thing. What I will remind you of is that at International Affair I didn’t walk out of that match a loser, I was in fact a winner!
Stevens says proudly.
Scott Stevens: You seem to forget that I’m the number one contender to the Wildfire championship currently in possession by Colton Thorpe.
Stevens reminds his opponent.
Scott Stevens: I mean when was the last time you earned yourself a title opportunity?
Stevens asks before turning towards the ladies to ask them the same question.
Scott Stevens: Ladies, do you know if Mr. Benson has ever earned a title opportunity?
The ladies ignore the question or simple don’t hear it as they are making out with one another.
Scott Stevens: Exactly.
Stevens says with a nod.
Scott Stevens: Even Tila and Tequila can’t recall.
Stevens says as he points with his thumb to the women.
Scott Stevens: Mr. Benson, you need to do like the ZZ Top song and quit shuffling through the Texas sand and get your head out of Mississippi and quit challenging Jason Cashe to matches that only will take place in your mind and snap back to reality and realize the ugly truth of why you are in this match. The truth is that you are not going to “Shock the World” (Stevens does air quotes) because your sole purpose is to be what you’ve been your entire UTA career and that’s simply a stepping stone that people use to get ready for the biggest matches of their lifetime.
A smirk plasters the Texan’s face.
Scott Stevens: Face it Danny boy, all that bravado and tough talk will be for nothing as you look up at those arena lights and when the glaze starts to wear off and you see me with my hand raised in victory it’ll sink in and you’ll have no choice but to acknowledge the fact that I told you so.
Stevens says sternly and confidently as he stares directly at the camera before a voice is heard to interrupt the seriousness of the moment.
Voice: You’re going to have to leave.
A man in his late twenties or early thirties is seen.
Scott Stevens: I’m doing an interview here….Aaron.
Stevens says as he looks at the man’s name tag.
Aaron: You were doing an interview. You asked if you could use our hotel to film what ever you needed to but our guest are constantly complaining about your little friends here (Aaron points to the girls). When they started making out and giving you head in the middle of the day that is the last straw. This isn’t some massage parlor where you get a rub and tub this is the Galveston Inn, and we have standards!
Aaron shouts at Stevens.
Aaron: You have thirty minutes to vacate the premises.
Aaron informs Stevens as he shakes his head.
Scott Stevens: I bet Jack Hunter doesn’t get this kind of disrespect.
Stevens says to himself as Tila makes her way towards the Texan.
Tila: Another thirty minutes is going to cost you extra.
Tila informs Stevens as he simply palms his face as the image fades to black.
"We busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers."
- Luke Dibbins