(In Dan’s home all is dark. We can see a flicker of a screen and a voice which sounds like Xander Hayes. The camera turns to the direction of the audio and sitting in a chair head cocked to the side is Dan Benson. It appears he fell asleep while watching the latest promo of Xandar Hayes. After a slight movement, CRASH! the laptop crashes to the floor. With a sudden jolt Dan jumps to his feet, screaming, “THE GREEN HAIRED MONSTER IS AFTER ME!”)
(Dan looks around with the look of embarrassment on his face.)
Dan: Wow, that is proof right there you should never watch and idiot before you go to sleep.
(Dan staggers his way to the kitchen to fetch himself a snack. The way he staggers makes you believe he has been sitting around drinking liquor.)
Dan: Xander, once again we will be going toe to toe. A make or break moment in your life. I caught some of what you had to say. Almost anything that wasn’t a bunch of gibberish I caught on to.
(Dan digs through his fridge digging in the back. Dan suddenly jumps back.)
Dan: WHAT THE HELL! Xander’s head is in my fridge! Hey wait a moment.
(Dan reaches back into the fridge and pulls put a plate with a green ball on it.)
Dan: Oh no, it is just the cheese ball I forgot to serve back on Thanksgiving. Whew, does that stink. You know maybe I’m not up for a snack after all, I think I just need to go to the bathroom.
You see Mr. Hayes I’m not one for climbing the ladder anymore. I’m not in it for the success anymore. Only reason why I am here is because I want to knock that ugly green mop of yours from one corner of the ring to the other. Reason why you are here, well that is your prerogative and yours alone, I could care less. Am I speaking in a language you can understand?
(Just outside the bathroom door Dan opens the door and enters closing the door on the camera. On the other side of the door we hear Dan yell, “OH MY GOD XANDER IS DEAD ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR!!
Quickly the bathroom door opens and the camera focuses on the floor am we see what appears to be a body with a head of green hair.)
Dan: Ohh hey wait a bit, that is just a pile of towels lying next to my bath mat. Sure does look like Xander. (Grinns.)
You know, I am going to hold the high rode here and not stand here telling you that you are a terrible wrestler, blah blah. No, instead I am going to congratulate you for a job well done. After all you are here in UTA, the finest promotion on earth. You are on the roster with the finest talent on earth.
We have guys like Eric Dane, CBR, LA FLAMA, Stephen Greer, Santa Claus, and Bobby Dean, and mixed in the middle of all that is Xander Hayes! WOW, It doesn’t get better than that!
(Dan can hardly keep up with the fake smile and excitement, and the look drops off his face revealing the sour expression we all have grown familiar with.)
I also congratulate you on your very impressive math skills. Very impressive how you have managed to use those fingers and toes to tally up the wins and losses we have accumulated during our time in UTA. Now that you have managed to cover a very small portion of my vast massive career, something which is much much grander than anything you could ever imagine you would need a few more fingers and toes just to keep track of the success alone.
But it is ok, I will let you keep track of my career for me, after all, I stopped keeping track over a decade ago. Since you are into counting I would like you to hold up one hand.
(Dan raises his hand and wiggles five fingers.)
Now, I would like for you to hold up the number of fingers showing how many times we have faced off.
(Dan folds down four of his fingers keeping his index finger pointing up.)
If your hand looks like mine give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Now this is where it gets tricky. I would like for you to hold up a finger to represent how many times you have managed to defeat me.
(Dan lowers his finger holding up no fingers.)
Dan: Now if you are holding up no fingers once again congratulations you successfully counted how many times you have managed to defeat somebody who couldn’t wrestle his way out of a paper bag, or a noodle as you have put it. Now what if you couldn’t pull it off on the next Wrestleshow? Won’t you be a bit embarrassed?
Looks like you gave yourself a reason why you need to defeat me. Shall you not succeed, you will find yourself in a ‘Shocker’
(The camera fades out showing the pile of towels laying on the floor mimicking a motionless Xandar Hayes.)