The scene opens to the inside of an attorney's office in downtown Beaver, West Virginia. Duke Dibbins sits on one side of the long wooden table. He is wearing a white, sweat stained wife beater and a pair of jean shorts cut way too high for any respectable man to wear in public.
He takes a sip of water from a cup that sits near him. He is waiting on someone apparently. His hardcore title rests on the table.
A flush comes from a nearby room, and the door opens slowly. Out comes a fat slob of a man. His suit is five sizes too small, and his clip on tie barely hangs onto his collar.
The name on the door reads “ATTY MERVIS SCOTTSMAN”
Mervis: Ah, Gotta leak in the sink!
Duke nods his head.
Duke: Go head.
Mervis squints at him quizzingly.
Mervis: Go ahead and what?
Duke points to the bathroom.
Duke: Take a leak in da sink, damn! Ya just tol’ me you had ta go!
The attorney shakes his head as he sits down at the desk.
Mervis: No Mr. Dibbins, there is a… You know what? Nevermind! Let’s get down to business! What brings you to my office today?
Dibbins nods and holds up his Hardcore Championship.
Duke: I wanna create one dos hand em down, Will em up type deals!
Confused, Mr. Scottsman shakes his head slowly.
Mervis: You want to create a Will?
Duke: Dat’s It!
He pulls out some paperwork from a nearby file cabinet.
Mervis: I assume you have an ID.
Duke: Bout what?
Frustrated, the attorney pushes his tongue into his cheek to stop himself from saying what he wants… which is somewhere along the lines of, “Why did I choose this backwood, hillbilly town to practice in.”
Duke tosses his hardcore title at the man.
Mervis: What is this?
Duke: I’m identificating maself!
The man is beginning to boil underneath his not so cool exterior.
Duke: If ya watchin da telepvision youd know dat Duke and Luke Dibbins are da Herdcore returd Tag em up Champions! Dats da proof, now you knows who we is!
Mervis: Oh my God… You have to be…
Trailing off, he catches himself.
Mervis: MOVING ON! How would you like to divide your belongings.
A Dibbins always comes prepared. He pulls a list from his pocket. its sharpie marker on toilet paper.
Duke: First off, In the ovent that Dan Benkson kills us on RasslinShow in dis tag em up title match, I’d like my Herdcore Title to go to my Brousin Luke!
Mervis decides hes going to humor Duke at this point and just writes everything down.
Duke: Dan Benkson is knowing for killing careers Dr.
Mervis: I am not a doctor.
Duke: Ya tink Duke cant read? I see that DoctorATE behind your head in dat piture frame.
Mervis stands up, tells Duke to continue and walks over to a shelf where he has an array of liquor bottles.
Duke: Dan Benkson is like a black hole, not da ones in da end of a critter, he sucks all da personality out da room doc! He bores and kills wherever he goes. I dont like em!
Mervis: Great, Hardcore title to Luke Dibbins, next?
Dibbins nods, and tears off the first square of toilet paper, that one is out of the way.
Duke: Nex up! My trailer! Now Lukey has da bus trailer, But i gota da old shed traila. I tink dat one should go to ma wife.
Finally something that makes sense. Mervis writes it down.
Mervis: Whats her name?
Duke: Daisy Mae Dibbins. OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhh boy lemme tell ya, she is fine!
Duke: But I don’t want her gettin the trailer till she turns fourteen! She cant be livin by herself till shes an adult!
He does a double take. this is a disaster. Mervis takes a long drink.
Duke: She kinda reminds me of Sabrina The Teenage Baker. Dey both young and fine, but dey both have no persomality. HEY! I wonder if Dan Benkson and Sabrina Bakered are Brousins too?
Mervis looks at the clock hoping this ends soon.
Duke: But we gon beat dem, so i guess I dont really need dis Hand em down, Will after all!
Mervis shrugs hopingly.
Duke: Da Dibbins are da Hardcore Tag Team Returd Champs and we gon keep dos belts in dis title match on RasslinShow! You know why Murrrrrrrphis?
He plays along
Duke: Because we gots all the persomalities! We got all the Charistmas! And Weed be da best tag em up champs ever!
Duke takes his title back from the man and leaves. Mervis pours another drink