Title: Drastic Measures
Featuring: Mikey Unlikely
Date: 1/8/16
Location: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Show: Victory XLIV

We are on a busy street. The traffic is flowing, people walking in all directions, but the camera focuses on only one individual.

A man in a large overcoat is seen walking down the sidewalk. His plain black ball cap is pulled down over his eyes, and the sunglasses dip down to the end of his nose.

A scarf hides his neck, and the earmuffs complete the winter ensemble. He walks quickly, every breath that escapes his lips are visible in the cold air. As he nears the camera it slowly becomes apparent that this man is someone we know.

He ducks past a large group, hiding his face with his hand and proceeds on. He see’s the camera and dips his sunglasses down so we can see his face before replacing them. It’s The Hollywood Bruvs own, Mikey Unlikely.

He now walks directly with the camera.

“You know the life of a celebrity can be very hard. I mean everywhere I go has to be meticulously planned and coordinated.”

He looks at his watch.

“Every event I attend is scheduled months in advance, so that security, transportation, and all the other things that go along with being sought after, can be vetted.”

He checks off an imaginary list in front of him.

“Bodyguard, check. Publicist, check. Manager, check. Accountant, check. Agent, check. Stunt Double, check.”

He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it.

“All these people, and a few more, need to know where I am, and what i am doing at all times! It makes for an incredibly inconvenient way to live...but it’s the life I have chosen! Or rather, choose me!”

He smiles coyly and feigns being humble.

“It is literally impossible for me to break away for a cup of coffee without…”


One random fan first recognizes him, then shouts and points. Mikey's eyebrows arch up. He looks frightened and suddenly a mass of people swarm him.

Mikey smiles and tries to shake as many hands as possible. People thrust their pens in his face, and hold out any and all objects they have on their person that can be written on.

“I loved you in Wolfpack!”


“Is the Terminator poster real?”

“When’s the next album dropping?”

“Are you going to beat up Lisil Jackson?”

“What’s the deal with M.J.?”

“Where's your Bruv!?”

Mikey smiles at everyone, and does his best to at least acknowledge everyone in the group. Before he fights his way out of the mob of fans.

Most of them stay back and talk excitedly amongst themselves, a few seem to follow him from afar. One brave little man walks up to Mikey's ankle and tries to hand him a paper to autograph. Mikey stops smiles at the kid. He presses the paper against a telephone pole and signs it. He hands it back the smiling child before he runs off to show dad.

“What he doesn’t know is I just signed it ‘Bobby Dean’.”

The boy reaches his father and jumps into his arms. The dad smiles and grabs the paper before reading it. He looks after Mikey with a look of confusion before feigning ignorance for his son's benefit.

“I guess my point is, it’s tough being Mikey! I wish I could be a nobody again! Some days I wake up, I look at my schedule, and I think to myself… How did I get myself into this mess?”

His disbelief evident on his face.

“I cannot go anywhere without garnering attention from every direction! Do you know how frustrating it is, walking through an airport, and every single person has a cell phone pointing at you? Pictures, and videos of me reading magazines end up on the internet? What is you people’s fascination with me?”

He looks at the camera.

“This is what Jeff Andrews will never understand.”

Shrugging his shoulders.

“He’s ‘just a dude’”

Unlikely avoids a group of people standing by a crosswalk. When the sign permits crossing, he walks the opposite way of the crowd.

“Somehow in two decades of being a professional wrestler he has garnered no publicity, by his own admission apparently?  The man who is a former ‘World’ Champion elsewhere, the man who has garnered national attention through not only the southeast part of the country, but now on the global scale…”

Spreading his arms wide.

“Expects me to believe he’s, Just a dude? I don't think so. “

Mikey clearly isn’t buying it.

“Jeff I don’t like you, I don’t respect you… But I respect your ability. I respect your past. Everything you did is awesome! Great work buddy! I’m sure Defiance, and the entire state of New Orleans is very very proud of you. I’m sure the remote part of Ohio you are from is very proud of you. Hometown Hero maybe? That’s one thing we have in common… I’m from Ohio too!”

He holds up one finger while walking.

“Thats right about where our similarities end. While I’ve seen the battles you’ve waged, while I was growin up and blowin up! Unfortunately times have changed my friend. You’ve grown older, and into retirement… but now you’re back! Back something? Back to right the wrongs of your past? Back to try to reclaim some part of your soul, that you lost fooling with Eric Dane and friends?”

“You’re here to even the score with Dane one last time? Well Jeff I have greater aspirations than that… I have aspirations for gold! To be recognized as not only The World’s Greatest Entertainer, but soon… Very soon, The World’s Greatest Champion! Ooooh I like that!”

The trademark smile spreads quickly across his face.

“I mean, you are not wrong when you say I’m a pretty boy. I am a guy, and I sure as hell, look good.”

He stops, checks himself out in the reflection of a storefront window. Continuing on now.

“You’re also not wrong when you say Mikey is a superstar.. Between all the success I’ve had, i think I might even be a Super Duper Star! Heeeyyy I like that one too!”

Tiger Woods fist pump action.

“It’s like this Jeff, I won’t underestimate you, I’m not going out there with I’ll intent to hurt you, I’ve proven I can do that week in and week out, over the course of the last 5 months! No, The one thing I will do… The one thing I’m determined to do… Is Win! “

Nodding his head, he comes to a bridge. The foot traffic seems light so he continues on.

“I’ve done everything else there is to do. I’ve laid people out behind me, just like you have. I’ve only been doing it for a quarter of the time you have, and I’m already world renowned but that's another subject… So let’s go to it big man!”

Slowing now, mikey comes to a stop. He pulls the shades down and the hat up.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to win, If I have to claw your eyes out, If I have to take out one of these inept officials. If my Hollywood Briv has to be there for motivation. Doesn’t matter how I get it, as long as my arm is raised at the end of the evening.”

They finish across the bridge before nearing a large building that’s covered in lights.  

The Trump Taj Mahal

“A win's a win, and headed into all or nothing, I’ll take as many as I can get. I’m in my prime Jeff Andrews, you’re past yours. Move aside my friend, there is a bright light shining through… That is the light of superstardom and I bring it with me wherever I go!”

He sheds the overcoat and the rest of the disguise, He walks up to valet and that's when it happens again. He is recognized. The man tries to usher Unlikely into the casino, but it’s too late. Mikey gets mobbed by the people again.

The life of a somebody.


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