"One and One;. My current win-loss record. It isn’t bad considering the state I’m in. I mean in my current state, I can still perform better than most people can when they are at their best."
Lance is sat watching TV in his hotel room. The lights are dimmed down. He begins to speak again.
"You know, I’m not one to hit a woman but heck if she wants to get in my way. If she wants to step in front of me on my way to the top of UTA, then she’ll just have face the consequences of stepping in the ring with The Worlds Greatest Athlete. I mean I’m reluctant to fight a female wrestler but in my long career in I’ve had to face female superstars before and nothing has changed here in UTA, everyone wants to be equal, so if she wants to be an equal I’ll treat just like any of the other guys."
He begins flicking through the channels. He stops on a cooking show.
"Women should not really be in the ring, wrestling with men. I mean there’s a mens division and a womens division. It’s split like that for a reason sweetheart, it’s so delicate little flowers like you don’t get hurt by stepping through those ropes with some of the toughest superstars in the business. Heck, some women don’t understand that! I mean I know there isn’t a womens division here in UTA, but I’m pretty sure there should be, because some of the women could get hurt in the ring and they couldn’t blame anyone but themselves. I mean some women don’t even belong in the ring, heck some guys I’ve faced in the past don’t even belong in the ring either but that’s another story for another day!"
He reaches to his right, and picks up a glass with water in. He takes a few gulps of water and rests the glass back down, before continuing to speak.
"You see Ursula Areno, I mean what the heck kinda name is that anyway. Ah! Anyway, you see sweetcheeks you can't be too clever having signed to face ME. I mean do you even know who I am? I'm the longest reigning BWF World Heavyweight Champion. I've held gold in every federation I've step foot in besides here in UTA, and believe me I do plan on capture gold here in UTA. The fact is Ursula, the mermaid? I don't know what to think right now. Your name sounds like you should be in some damn Disney movie, and I'm not talking Star Wars. I'm talking about that damn woman who is half fish and half human. I mean do they actually want us to believe this crap? I mean yeah it's a cartoon, it's a fantasy. A fantasy just look your hopes of winning come Monday in New York. You think you have what it takes to step in the ring with me? You think you have what it takes to step in the ring with the Definition Of Perfection.. Perfection, eat your heart out. I was Perfection before you knew what Perfection was kid!"
He changes the channel again, flicking through a few channels. He stops on football (soccer) match between Manchester United, his favourite team, and their arch rivals Liverpool. He begins watches the match whiles still talking to us.
"You see, I've been through it all. I've been through all the controversy, and all the pain and bullshit you could ever imagine. I'm not just talking about in the wrestling industry, I'm talking in real life as well sweetheart. If you wanna talk about just this industry then lets go back a couple of years to around 2009. Yeah I know it isn't a couple of years! OOOH!! ROOONEY YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MISS THAT!"
You can tell he's getting annoyed with the match, the performance of his team these days is shocking.
"Sorry, were was I. Ah that's right 2009. Good old Lance Mikes was set to face off against Mr Chase, Kameron Chase in UWF. The match was suppose to be for the UWF World Championship, or Universal Championship - whatever the fuck they call it. The folks in the suits didn't seem to like Lance Mikes cause of his bad attitude and his bad behaviour behind the scenes. Well, I heard from Mr Chase himself a few months after the match, after I had already left the place, that if at any time during the night it looked as if I was going to win the title they would come out and just change the match to a non-title match. I'm not just talking about the guys in suits, I'm talking about the boss. The man that runs that place, that piece of shit owner Glenn Legend. Yeah you heard Legend. The story is true, you ever wanna talk about it, hell forget talk let's see if you can lace up a pair of boots and meet me in the ring?"
He takes a deep breathe to try and calm himself down. The talk of all the drama is obviously getting to him.
"Anyway, back to UTA. Ursula - sweetheart - You don't stand a chance of winning this debut match of yours against me. WHY?! JUST LOOK AT ME!"
His attention now turns back to the TV. As the scene fades to black we can hear a loud "YEAAH". It seems as though Manchester United scored.
"I ain't gonna judge you. Someone will get t' that much later. Me? All I'm gonna do. Is beat you."
- Will Haynes