The sound of Banjos can be heard playing the background.
Luke: OH MA GOD! IT’S HERE DUKEY!!!! IT’S HERE!!!!
We see Luke Dibbins at the trailer mailbox. Which is just an old beat up microwave standing atop a wooden frame. He has a thick envelope in his hands. He takes off running for the trailer, the crack of his ass hanging out the back of his jeans.
The thicker of the Dibbins stomps loudly as he runs up the wooden steps. He slams a shoulder into the door as he goes through it. Duke is sitting on the couch, beer in one hand, watching Jerry Springer. He has his Hardcore title around his waist.
Luke: Did ya hurr me? It’s here!
Dukes eyes never leave the television. This is the “Closet Lesbians who are cheating on their husbands” episode. Obviously a classic.
Duke: Twats here?
Luke holds up the giant envelope. Slowly but surely Duke’s eyes move from the TV to the mail. He stands up suddenly excited!
Duke: Is that twat I tink it is!?
Pointing at the package.
Luke: You bet yer ass it is! Let’s get started!
The two smile together before moving over to the kitchen table. Luke slices into the envelope, with his pocket knife, before dumping the contents on the table.
Luke: We gon win it dis time Dukey!
It’s a Publishers Clearing House envelope. All of the offers and advertisements fall onto the table.
Duke: Look at all dese great deals! Why don’t more peoples do dis? Sporks Illustrated just 0.92 cents an issue! That's like five dollars a year!
the two peel through each and every ad.
Luke: We can gets some jewelry for Momma or Cousin/Sister Tina!? She’s been awfully nice dis year! And her Burfday comin up!
Duke: Sounds good Brousin, nothing over $20. We aint rich!?
Luke gives him a wink and points to the stack
Luke: But we gon be!
The two begin filling out order forms and filling out the sweepstakes cards.
Luke: Well when we winned five fousand dollars a week forerver we can be returd from Rasslin! Then you wont have to worry about defendsing our Hardcore em up Tag Team Turtles.
His brother nods his head.
Duke: Yea dat’s right! I gotta derfend dis Title dis week! Against someone….
His brousin laughs.
Luke: You don even knowed who you’re fightin?
Duke tries to pretend like he knows.
Duke: Course I knowed whose I’m fighting, what you tink!? It’s that big scrawny man!
The thicker Dibbins knows who it is.
Luke: Oh my god He’s here!
Duke: Who’s here!?
Duke looks out the window for an approaching vehicle. Luke shakes his head.
Luke: No I mean your opponant!
Duke jumps up, secures his Hardcore title, and locks the front door.
Duke: He ain’t comin up in my traila tryin to git my belt! He’s gon have to wait to git in da ring like errrrbody else.
Luke laughs loudly.
Luke: Dukey relax, he aint here! Dats what dey say about him!
Duke: Say about who!?
Luke: Lance Mikes! Oh muh god He’s here!
Once again, Duke ducks below eye level, and peeks around the window curtain (blanket).
Duke: You jus said he wasnt ‘ere!? Make up yur mind!
Luke: He’s not coming, thats jus wat they said when he comes out! it’s funny!
Duke tries to relax and takes a seat back at the table.
Duke: I don care how here Lance Mikes is! Weed da toughest sons of bitches in dis place! We da only Hardcore em up Tag Chimps in forevers! Da Dibbins run da Returd division! Now I gotsa show Lance em up Mikes how we do it. Dis man just rassles with ladies anyway!
Luke: So you do know who he is?
Duke expresses a look of obviousness.
Duke: Course I knows! What kinda Hardcore em up Champion would I be if I didn know! After dis match, no one will be excited for Lance A Lot. Dey will be sayin “Hey Look! Da Dibbins are here! WOAH HOT DAMN!”
The pair go back to filling out the Publishers Clearing House promotions. The scene fades.
"Unless God takes his divine hands, tears open the arena roof, and plucks me from that ring I plan to walk out the winner."